Music to my Ears

I haven't really talked about the Scot much but I guess thats just because nothing has been going wrong. We've been seeing each other for a couple months, but its been about three weeks since I've last seen him being on Winter Break and all..
Before I packed up all my things headed back home, before he flew home to Scotland, he came over after my last exam. I was completely fried after just having two back to back exams, having studied all through the night before and not getting a lick of sleep, I was more than due for a good shower and nap. None of that mattered though. We met up so I could lend him my calculator, in other words so we could get in one last make out sesh'. We walked back to my room, hands held and kept warm in his coat pocket, seeing friends along the way, wishing them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Finally reaching my room and getting out of the cold, we talked casually for a moment and then just hugged really tightly, falling on to my bed and not moving from our embrace. We only had a couple minutes as he had an exam soon and my mom would shortly arrive to pick me up, but they were well spent indeed.

Now, three weeks later things have changed mildly. Not for the worse its just been a while since we've seen each other but with a week to go I am so ecstatic. He gets back to the States a week before school starts up so I'm welcoming him back properly and staying over his apartment next Monday night.

This happened just a couple hours ago, just thought I'd share:


The Scot: what you doing now?
ETP: nothing tonight. just a movie with my sister worked this morning had dinner with the family tonight
The Scot: id love to come in from work to you it would be lovely
The Scot: go for a wee bath with you and tell you about my nightmare PE kids
or how im getting too old for soccer
The Scot: then i'd have a wee tea and and listen about you and your day at the hospital
ETP: aww haha that does sound lovely
The Scot: id throw a stick on the fire and lie on the sofa beside you and watch the scottish news i pay for specially on comcast if its possible lol
ETP: we could get the satellite, watch celtic!
The Scot: then i'd whisk you to bed ( a big one with comforter) and kiss every inch of you show my sexy little septic* how much i fancy her
ETP: well doesnt that just sound perfect 
ETP: sign me up!
ETP: maybe we can do the last part sooner rather than later 
The Scot: ahead of my tea, bath and the news?
The Scot: oh woman much to learn lol
ETP: no no i mean sooner as in maybe next week! haha not in 10 years
The Scot: oh lol ok but i cant offer you a big bed or scottish news
The Scot: not even a bath
The Scot: im still making my way but i can still show you how much i fancy you
ETP: well thats more than enough for me.


Unbelievable, right? Oh God, can I keep him?






*Septic is cockney slang for Americans. Pretty offensive, I know. They do this rhyming thing with all of their slang so "Yank" rhymes with Septic Tank. The Scot affectionately refers to me as his "wee Septic"

How do you remember 18?

On the drive to midnight mass tonight (p.s. Merry Christmas folks) my dad and I got into a discussion about his girlfriend's relationship with her children. She's one of those moms who allows your bf/gf to sleepover in your bed, y'know one of those families. Being the diplomatic blogger and person I strive to be, I don't see what the big deal as far as my dad goes. Listen, bud, you don't live there and your girlfriend can crash at your place if you want to have a kid-free snuggle sesh. Fine. He just sees that level of sexual comfort in a household to be disrespectful to the mother. In the whole shpeil he referred to his girlfriend and himself as "seasoned adults", carefully picking his words. Placing "seasoned" before adult so not to equate me with himself. Interesting.

When is one finally recognized as an adult in society?
We're assorted different privileges at different ages, few being appropriate.
We all go on to do different things with our lives at different points, some things governing more or less responsibilities.
It is a standard in our culture that continues to perplex me, especially now that I am recognized as a "legal" adult, whatever that means.

I've come up with a couple ideas as to what defines an adult: A) You are capable of supporting yourself. And if you're REALLY good, B) You're capable of supporting someone else while supporting yourself.

All of these thoughts come into question after moving back home for winter break... I receive a great deal of respect at college, it typically comes along with all the responsibility. I do what I want, when I want. Its wonderful. Teachers assign me things, no one is breathing down my neck forcing me to do it. If I want to get completely obliterated the night before an early class, thats my fucking prerogative. The whole thing is down right refreshing.

I come back to my small hometown and immediately I'm right where I left off. I mean, the idea of college seems really fun and wild to everyone so folks are usually pretty eager asking about the whole bit, but other than that nothing has changed. I'm still just a kid. I went to alumni day a couple days ago and I freaked out a little inside during the first few minutes. (Granted: I WAS a little high after the bowl me and the amigos smoked before going in, but I bet it would have been just as terrifying otherwise)

The same people I still couldn't relate to on any level except for the fact that we had attended the same high school and, most likely, middle school. The whole thing was awkward and I was really unsure of myself the whole time. The hallways seemed too fucking familiar, I had been away too long to miss it and not long enough to feel missed and welcomed by others. With the usual woes upon moving to college (homesick b.s.) your last days from high school are so glorified and truly missed... but shit. After going back, I am SO fucking psyched to be done with all of that. Ugh. I'll take my best friends with me and say PEACE to the rest of the bullsh I no longer have to deal with on a regular basis. Such as: being constantly monitored, being forced to interact with shitty people.

I was even mistaken for a student and almost got reprimanded for leaving the school before it got out. It was funny and so innocent, yet mildly insulting. DON'T YOU KNOW I'M LEGALLY CONSIDERED AN ADULT NOW AND ATTEND COLLEGE!?

Its just funny. and weird. Its an awkward stage to be in, 18. Adult, technically. Still a kid, supposedly. A hefty load of new responsibilities but not enough to get any pats on the back.. Hmph. How do you remember 18? When did you start feeling entitled to Adult-size respect?

Sons of Scotland! I am your biggest fan.*

I've been told good things come to those who wait, or at least that's the idea anyways.
I started to realize something about my dating habits upon flipping through pages of my journal, the book that holds all the deep dark secrets I'm even too embarrassed to share to strangers. What I realized was that I date the same guy over and over again; starts the same way, ends the same way. I feel the exact same way about everyone of them start to finish.
Why do I do this? I went to college and out of all the fish in the cesspool I took interest in one who was emotionally unavailable, ridiculously insensitive and more over, completely unapologetic. Alas, I learned my lesson and self-destruction is out of my system for at least another few months or so.

For the past couple months I've been hanging out with a nice Scottish boy who recently moved to the US to play on my school's soccer team. We actually met in my school's cafeteria in the pizza line. (side note: pizza= safe choice= doesn't act as colon blow upon leaving the dining hall) When I saw him my jaw literally dropped... I mean I usually always browse in every public setting, but he really caught my eye. Then he opened his mouth and out came the most powerful aphrodisiac known to all womankind, and I suppose guys as well, an accent. Not just any accent, a scottish one!

I kept running into the Scot and eventually we started talking. One day I saw him in the cafe and I told him about how I had visited a place called West Rock in New Haven and how I would really love to bring him there. Its super beautiful and a choice spot to spark a joint.



Pretty, right??

We never actually went to West Rock but we did start talking regularly and eventually begun hanging out. Although the accent really intrigued me, perhaps because I assumed he was different in other ways too, once I started to get to know him I was pleasantly surprised to find a very wholesome person with similar values and ideals to mine. A great looking Scot with morals? Wow, that sounds delicious, I'll have two!

As we hung out I was beginning to wonder just how he saw me....He insisted on paying for me, was quite the gentleman and quite a bit of flirting went down. But he never made a move. So I began to think, after a couple months of the same old hug goodnight, ahem what the fuck Scotty?
Just as I was about to give up, he professed his love to me one night (something that went a little like: "I fancy the arse off you.") and kissed me shortly there after. Halllllllelujah folks.

Stay tuned for more tales of the Scot.. :)
P.S. Bloggers, I'm now and forever a legal adult. 18 has finally come!


*"Sons of Scotland! I am William Wallace" -Braveheart

Hear me roar.

So I sort of began to tell you about the man whore, Chris, I was hooking up with in the last post. However, after rereading his brief post-appearance, I feel that I should go into a little more detail about him.

We've begun this sort of vicious cycle that college has fueled.
We're very good friends and have a lot of chemistry but with him being a very good looking guy and college girls not being much less than SLUTS, the whole exclusive objective becomes virtually obsolete.

The vicious cycle goes a little something like this:
i) we hang out have some laughs
ii) we start drinking
iii) he hits on me and I deflect any of his attempts with some sarcasm, e.g. "I'm gonna try to kiss you tonight so drink up." "Thats going to take far too much booze to ingest in one night so good luck."
iv) i get drunk and make out with him
v) he leaves me to have sex with someone else
vi) hatred.
vii) he apologizes, we start hanging out again

Really. I allow this shit to happen.
To elaborate..

The other night a bunch of us headed downtown to a karaoke bar I've been dying to check out.
We buy a few rounds of beers and I own the stage with a little Sweet Caroline a la Neil Diamond.
Chris and I go outside for a smoke where he tries to kiss me but I'm not nearly drunk enough to allow that to happen so we head inside and buy another round.

As the night progresses, I'm feeling pretty good so I grab Chris. We both just look at each other and he leans in and kisses me. (just a peck) He turns away and goes back to flirting with the cutest girl to hold his fun-sized attention span.
Suddenly, the cops come in and they make everyone get into single-filed lines.
In case, any of you dismissed the fact that I'm 17, well I am. In other words, totally fucked.
I find Chris and hear his roommate call his name.
He grabs my hand and we start booking it to the back of the bar.
We run through an Employees Only marked door into some back storage room trailing about 15 other runaways.
The bar owners are cheering us on, yelling, "RUN, GUYS, RUN. GO GO GO!" Showing us the light at the end of the tunnel reading "EXIT" in case of a fire.
All of us pile out the bar onto some side street making a clean getaway.

Feeling like I was just apart of something bigger than myself, than a karaoke bar, something more like the underground railroad perhaps, (I was loaded give me a break) I light up a smoke and start doing a victory dance in the middle of the street.

Chris and I start making out on the sidewalk (why not? we just DIDNT get arrested) and my friend picks us up on the next street over.

We get back to our dorm and go up to his room. Shortly there after he leaves to go meet his "fuck-buddy"
I see him the next night over a cigarette outside our building.
I made it quite clear that I wanted nothing more to do with the vicious cycle I'd been allowing on account of sheer convenience and instant satisfaction- But what I hadn't taken into account, until now, was the instant disappointment that always seemed to follow the satisfaction. I'm tired of just allowing things like this to happen. I'm tired of asking, why me? Well, because I let it be me.
No more, folks. Chris might be a babe and a very good kisser but on a college campus, he's a dime a dozen.

He, of course, was very understanding.

Since being at college I can say I've been to two completely excellent concerts: Built to Spill and Jenny Lewis.
Both performances were completely riveting.

For Jenny Lewis, my sister accompanied me to the Schubert Theatre in New Haven, CT. Midway there from school I realize I forgot the tickets in my other purse..ugh.
So we turned around in a speedy fashion and ended up being 15 min late for the show, only catching the second half of the first performance by a guy named Michael Runion. I was totally impressed by him and ended up saying hello between sets.
He was walking up one of the aisles so I decided to say hello and ask whether or not he was selling cds.
He was so ridiculously nice and seemed a bit nervous too. He asked my name and then even remembered it after the show when I came to the merch table to purchase one of my new favorite cds.
Its real folk-y, which I'm into...and it has excellent lyrics.

Off of one track, called "Soft Hands", some lyrics I completely adore read:
"We'll slip into the streets drunk as lonely soldiers and we'll own the night like vandals 'til the morning burns our eyes"

pretty good, right? I dig it. and I'd like to think its my current college mantra but that might be overestimating my social life.

As for the gents...well if this sums it up: water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
They're all okay...I was hooking up with one for a while but he's just a whole mess of confusion that right now in my life, I really don't need. I'm the kind of girl that would always prefer a relationship over single life but college is just a different animal.

Dating doesn't exist here. Dating consists of: I'll buy you a drink as leverage for dome later on.
Fortunately, if you're going to make stupid decisions, I've come to the right place!

Just last night, me and my girl Georgia went to a bar just off campus. We showed up and this boy, we'll call Jake, was sitting in the booth next to us. I knew from the start he wanted my goods but he gave me douche vibes so I kept a distance.
We bought a few pitchers and worked the crowd a little bit.
Surprise Surprise, my ex-hook-up-big-mess-but-such-a-babe guy shows up and he greets me with a big hug so we start dancing a little and he kisses my neck a couple times but I don't really play into it.
Eventually he starts doing his own thing and I see Jake.
He asks what I've been up to and I said, dancing! So he asks me for a dance and I ask if he's any good so he says, "Lets go find out!"

As it turns out, he is. However, I like to leave sex to the bedroom and not the dance floor so you going up and down my shirt and pants while rhythmically humping me to some techno song...not my cup of tea. Of course, ex-guy is dancing next to me with some girl and keeps looking over at me and then kisses the girl he dances with.
To retaliate I of course do the same only to experience a sudden distasteful jabbing of the tongue motion..
I said I needed to get some air, grabbed Georgia and got the fuck out of there.

I felt dirty afterwards. But it was in the name of revenge damnit!

Oh, College.

Well, I've been living at college for a full week now and already my life has changed completely.
Since I've been here I've: missed 1 class, dropped 1 class, gotten drunk at least 4 times, made out with some random dude at a club, and had a friend wake up in Yale New Haven on account of being absolutely pickled off the DirtyDub.

It's pretty fuckin awesome around here, not going to lie. I've been here for a week and I can't see myself leaving anytime soon. Bring on the 5 year plan, student advisor! I'll show all of you how it's done!

The other night started in the parking garage which I've come to know and love. We were all drinking some beers and I had a huge water bottle of Peach Iced Tea and Vodka. Needless to say I ended up getting drunk...and then continued to hit on every male around me. We moved our little party to the Gazebo, a place no doubt will deliver many posts. Its reserved for smokers as a means of shielding the non-smokers from our filthy addiction! Blahblah, everyone hangs in there smokin, drinkin, and sometimes bangin.

So, Gazebo. See a guy from my dorm that lived a few floors above me. My friend, Georgia, and I had hung out with him before and we were about ready to ditch the guys we were with. It starts pouring out and we tell the boys we're going to bed. Georgia and I go up to our friend's floor and end up having a beer with his neighbor and dancing to the sweet sweet sounds of the White Stripes. Dave, the kid we has planned to hang out with, comes into the room and joins the fun!

Later, we go outside to have a cigarette. The rain was coming down hard so I decide to just lay down in a huge puddle. My booze-induced spontaneity inspired the other three to start sprinting around the quad slip 'n sliding in the grass and scattered puddles. It was fucking awesome. Not long after, we took a break laying in the grass letting the rain come down on us. I looked around at my new friends, barely knowing them for more than just a few good moments and felt completely satisfied and thankful.

After feeling so trapped towards the end of the summer, I couldn't stop thinking about how free and alive I felt just then. I was cut up, Georgia had ripped her favorite Sevens, Dave kept kissing my forehead, and Jake just wanted to dance. With our different lives and agendas, we had all come to the same place looking for just this particular moment of freedom and that night we found it with a few strangers.

What I've been waiting for...

Sunday is the big day! I'm packin' up and headin' out into the world of the unknown.
One undoubtedly to be filled with hook ups, hang overs, fuck ups, and do-overs.

I'm a little scared, weren't you?
Is my roommate going to be a tool?
Is it true that you'll get warts in the shower sans flip-flops?
How the fuck am I going to survive on the contents left in my bank account after the last purchase of a macbook?
Will dudes find me cute and funny and laugh at my jokes?
Will I find dudes cute and funny and be able to sincerely laugh at their jokes?
ugh.

So, it's a little overwhelming but I can honestly say I'm ready.
No strings attached, no messy break ups right at the end of the summer..
Just long heartfelt hugs to friends with whom I've shared countless memories and in turn, our adolescence.

So Sunday I'll be moving out and moving on to the whole other life awaiting me.

Oops.

So I had the last cigarette of my pack this morning and then drank in excess with my boss tonight at work. The weathers really shitty tonight so I can't really go out, i.e. get my nicotine fix in the process, so all I was left to do was just pick a fight with my mom over my sister and how she has endless freedom and I don't have enough.

I never pick fights. I just fucking begged for one. That was ridiculous. I was yelling at her for nothing. It's almost comical because I'm not naturally a very confrontational person but take away my nicotine and I'll fucking bite your head off.



I should quit.

Oh, how the tables have turned!

I know I was on hiatus for a few months but I think I'm back now for good. I missed all of your blogs and I've spent the last couple weeks catching up on all of my favorites. So! I guess I'll catch you up on what's been happening with me as well.

For those of you who remember Joe, well lets just say, I won so fucking hard!
I do not remember whether or not I posted about him calling me up, while he had a girlfriend, and asking me to go to a party with him. So-

I made sure I looked adorable and showed up fashionably late with a vengeance. We were getting along like old pals until we both started drinking heavily and then things got kind of weird.

He started off on how he still really liked me and how he didn't love his girlfriend anymore blahblahblah. I wasn't really falling for any of this but I still kind of went along with it. Then! He actually started begging me to kiss him. HA! Saying things like, "Just one?" Really, Joe? Easy does it.

Right when I was leaving, I excused myself to the bathroom. After I was all freshened up, I open the door only to find Joe waiting for me! He kind of sort of trapped me and we ended up making out. Oops! This led to him asking me to sleep over and whatever else. After I politely refused for the millionth time, he asked me to hang out tomorrow. "Uh, yeah maybe." "Why not definitely?" "Well because I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow!" And with that I kissed him on the cheek and never saw him again. Victory is mine!

Do I regret kissing him? Nope, cause I got mine. Do I regret letting him cheat on his girlfriend? Not even a little bit.

He then called me almost every single night without fail after this. I never responded or even took the calls until one day I just straight up told him I had a boyfriend and was not even a little interested. Tough break.

Me having a boyfriend at the time was true but not so much anymore. But I'll save that whole run down for another post.

Hey I'm not dead!

I just needed some new material. My posts were getting bitter and repetitive. Summer's almost over, another boy's come and gone, and I'll be off to college in just a few weeks! I am ridiculously excited.

As for now, days are pretty lazy on the East Coast. I sleep in, go to work, go out with friends/ stay in and read. Life isn't seriously thrilling or anything but I know the best is yet to come and right now I just have to enjoy my friends before I leave them all in the dust. Just kidding, I could never. Mostly because there's always next summer and smoking pot by yourself is never as fun as everyone makes it out to be!

Alright. Best be off to work.

Remember the scene from Breakfast at Tiffany's where

that dude says this big thing:

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness.' You call yourself a free spirit, a 'wild thing,' and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."



Well here's what- if love is the only chance any of us have at experiencing 'real happiness' we're all fucked.

Ugh, it's so overdone.

It never ends.

"I'll be at Chiane's for 1:30. Just text me if you're not coming."

He never came and he never texted.
I waited for 20 minutes before I got the nerve to walk back to my car and drive home.
A few nights later, I smoke pot with my ex-boyfriend and Doug calls him.
My ex informs him I'm at the party.
I'm in the kitchen saying goodbye to everyone when he walks in, gives me a shit-eating grin and I can't help but smile back. Then again, what does one do in situations like these? I leave sad and stoned and exhausted.

Tonight, as I'm finishing up my book, I get a phone call.
I don't recognize the number so I call back.
They don't pick up but I hear a familiar voice on the answering machine.

Joe calls back a few moments later asking, rather politely to his credit, if I knew where he could score some coke. I respond, "Well yes, but surely not right now. It's 10:30 on a monday night."

He says thanks, and says that I should expect to hear from him soon.
He was always well-mannered.

TGIM

Monday. I've still got four days before I have to deal with the new status of the guy. He's not my guy, so we'll use his name instead: Doug. I'm expected to see him on the weekend; if I don't I might actually have to deal with this change, until then I'll just assure myself the reason we're not seeing each other is because he's busy during the week.
Last Friday: I head to a party with Jill where I know I'll see Doug. Fortunately, Jill drove so I help myself to a beer and a couple drags of a joint that's offered my way. Doug plays a couple games of beer pong and when he assumes a substantial buzz, he asks me if I would like to go upstairs. I know what this means and nod okay and he follows me to the couch. We don't talk, just start kissing. We lay down on the couch and kiss harder. Someone walks upstairs, we shift positions and play it cool. They come sit with us, serving as not only a disturbance but now a cock-block, and turn on iTunes. Doug kisses me and I kiss back. We make the kid uncomfortable, but we don't care. He's too drunk and I like him too much. The kid leaves, and I stroll over to the computer and put on a song we once heard in a Quentin Tarantino movie. We dance and laugh and kiss and I'm loving every minute of this. He sits back down on the couch expectantly and I say I need to tell him something. He inquires where his cell phone is instead. He's avoiding me and I'm paranoid he knows what I'm about to say. We find his cell phone, he wants to keep making out. I tell him I like him. He stares back at me expressionless. "No response?" "No, I'm just looking at you." I get off him, put on my coat, and walk back downstairs.

Next Day: This time I drive but me and Jill got the okay from the parents to crash at Nick's house so I know I can get drunk. I walk downstairs to the basement and see Doug with a couple friends. I choose not to approach him but just make a quiet entrance and stick by Jill. He doesn't acknowledge my entrance and suddenly I tense up and think back to last night's unfortunate meeting. Eventually, I make my presence known by yelling something to one of my friends playing beer pong. He comes up to me saying he didn't even notice I had showed up. Thanks, jackass.
I mingle and drink a lot of beer. Doug and I flirt but not in the usual way. Things are more tense. So much that he refuses to kiss me. I walk by and he grazes my side affectionately but I come and inch from his face and he just half smiles and looks the other way. I mutter for him to fuck himself and walk away. Mid-neglect, Jill catches my ex-boyfriend looking at me for 'a solid 10 seconds.' I talk to him instead.

Later, I notice my ex is nowhere to be found. I ask where he's run off to and I'm informed he's on the back porch. I walk out and its so dark and I'm so drunk but I know he's there. He tells me he drank too much and he starts to throw up. I rub his back and want so badly to tell him how much I'd rather date him than Doug. I want to tell him that I love him and need him, that I never stopped caring for him and that Doug is just the next best thing. I don't know whether or not any of this true but I want to tell him so badly. I bite my tongue and kiss his head. I wonder if he'll remember but it doesn't bother me.

I go back to the party and see Doug. He kisses me, finally. I try not to think about my ex, his best-friend. We kiss some more. Someone asks him if I'm his girlfriend. Neither of us responds. Later, we're kissing and we back step down a hallway. We find a room, we find a couch, we've done this before. As we're falling down to the less than comfortable futon, he says, "I like you too." I don't know what to say so I say nothing but just kiss back. He's going up my shirt and I know I should warn him not to go further in lieu of really unfortunate timing. He says he understands. He accidentally hits my eye and I say, "Oh no! You fucked up my contact." He responds with, "Sorry, babe. I didn't even know you wore contacts." I wonder what else he doesn't even know about me.

I go check on my ex, help him walk up the stairs by throwing his arm around my shoulder and bracing his back. I know Doug hates that I've been tending to Ryan all night but I don't care. I get him to bed and see him puking more, I know I've done all I can and go to bed with Doug. People keep walking in, I'm getting irritated. We're kissing, I know he's getting bored of this. We're joking around and I ask him a serious question. He doesn't answer. I flip over away from him, doze off and then wake up a few minutes later craving comfort. Instead he gets up, puts on his belt and jacket. I ask him where he's going. He says he can't sleep.
"Don't go." I say, petrified of spending the duration of the night alone in a stiff twin bed with just a shitty 300 thread count sheet to keep me warm.
"I don't have the patience. Don't be mad." He kisses me on the cheek. I would beg him to stay but I know its no use. He's gone. My bed faces the window on the front of the house. I watch him start his car, pull the car into reverse and idle for 30 seconds. I say aloud, "Please come back, what are you doing?" He shifts into drive and I watch him speed away, "Read my Mind" by the Killers trailing off as he disappears.

Two hours of sleep serves me well.

7am Oh God, I have to relive all of it again. Fuck. Why did he leave? Was it because I have my period and he couldn't get laid? He wouldn't have regardless. Did he think he was going to get laid? He must know nothing of me.
A little later, my ex thanks me for caring for him and hugs me goodbye. I'm so grateful for this. Later on, he texts me thanking me again.

I IM Doug last night and it goes horribly. I'm convinced he feels nothing for me.
Next move: play hard to get and lure him back. Forget my ex-boyfriend.

ugh.

I'm a little upset. Not very. Just a little.
I'm in the band at school, I play trumpet. We're going on a lovely cruise down the coast of California April 12-19th, so close! ahhh! Well my mom absolutely INSISTED on coming so I was cool with it. She originally said, "I want to chaperone if I can, but if I can't then I'll just buy a separate boarding pass for the cruise ship and just tag along." Well, she was fortunate enough to get a spot on the chaperone list.

Tonight, I tell her how excited I am and suddenly my stupid sister opens her mouth and goes, "I don't Mom is going to like being a chaperone. I don't think you can drink or anything."

Then my mom starts FREAKING out about how she paid so much moneyyyy and now she finds out she won't be able to drink or party or do anything worth her while. She starts saying how this is MY fault because I waited too long to give her the details, (that she can't consume alcohol while supervising highschool students...gee, ma, sorry I left that one out!) From here, I choose to leave the room after telling her how incredibly rude she's behaving.

What I wanted to say was, "This trip isn't about you. It's about me. It's what I've been working towards for 9 years. You begged to come just so you could see me. Had I known you just wanted a vacation with some background music I wouldn't have gotten you on the list."

I'm sick of this shit.

What is it about my ears...

that screams "PLEASE PUT ME IN YOUR MOUTH" ?????
The new boy likes ears too.
What to do, what to do!?
Well, I think I like him very much so I won't do much about it; in the meantime, I'll just make sure to be extra thorough with my q-tip.

It's funny how things work out.

Joe is back with his ex girlfriend. Well, I'm not sure they're officially dating, but they've been spending a lot of time together.
I posed a question to my boss as to why he would ditch me and go back with her, and he gave me quite the enlightening response.

Here's why I asked- in the entire 3-4 months Joe and I dated he never did more than kiss me. There was plenty of opportunity, I mean plenty.
We sort of separated once but then shortly after, we started talking again and met up at CCSU. Remember? Then we tried it out for another month or so and it ended with him saying he didn't want to "hurt me."

He called a few times after that but I was pretty much done.
Now he's back with his sex-obsessed ex-girlfriend.
Alas, the object of my confusion was, he never even made a move on me, but seemed to like me a lot. Then! he dumps me and goes back to his past nymph. Ironic, eh? If all he was looking for was booty, I would have skipped all the emotional crap and worked out some sort of agreement...a little FWB, for ya? (friends with benefits)

I'm totally kidding, but that's besides the point.
My boss told me the real reason he dumped me and went back was because he clearly still had feelings for his ex and didn't see our situation going any further until he sorted things out with her. Fair enough.

This makes entirely TOO much sense. Now I'm left with the mystery as to WHY he couldn't just tell me. It had nothing to do with me. How could I be hurt by that? It was ending either way, a little honesty could have smoothed things over immediately.

I'm content. I deleted his number from my phone.


I've been seeing the new boy frequently.
My current mission is to woo him into loving me.
Shouldn't take too long so feel free to practice a few exercises to improve the ol' lung capacity until I report back with good news. ;)

Punch drunk love?

To recount the past week's events in a timely manner:

-Realized that I can never go back to ex, and decided to mack it on his best friend
-Joe has tried a few times to get in contact with me but there's just no hope for him
-My ear-obsessed dream boy texted me saying he wants to hang out when he gets home from college next week
-I've taken quite a liking to the White Stripes, I'll elaborate more later
-I gave up the whole Lent thing. I love meat, call me a sinner.
-I really need to play catch-up on all of your blogs.


So! The new boy:

He's my ex-boyfriends best friend but that hardly matters; it just serves as a lovely device to inspire jealousy. He's devilishly attractive and a little untrustworthy. We have been texting like fiends and I met up with him today. He reserved a bottle of Cabernet for the two of us, so we cracked that bad boy open minutes after my arrival. The next two hours are a complete blur but they are mostly comprised of a lot of flirting and him backing me into a hallway and kissing me.
Later, we went down to the basement to listen to the White Stripes where he (I know this sounds pretty corny, but bare with me) sang along in my ear and gave me a whole new meaning to the lyrics, "Soft hair and a velvet tongue, I wanna give you what you give to me."

Amidst all of our punch-drunk love, some girl took me aside to tell me that typically he hits it and quits it. He goes from girl to girl and doesn't think twice when he gives her the news that it might be a smart idea to stop talking.
Now! If we recall to my last post, I'm certainly not up for any more of that shit.
Alas, my guard will be up. However! his very good friend, mine as well, told me he's never seen him like this around one of his many girls. So maybe, things will be different.

Either way, it'll make for a good blog post. OPA!

I think it's really over this time.

Joe: thats pretty cool to have your friends call me last night
ETP: they took my phone when they saw i was upset.
ETP: i thought we weren't talking.
ETP: do you mind providing an explanation?
ETP: i dont know if you're reading this now or what but you just amaze me how you can call me at 1am when im drunk and youre probably drunk too and tell me after hanging out for like 3-4 months "i dont think we should talk anymore" then go on to provide no sort of explanation and have the nerve to im me the next night and ignore me when i ask you a simple fucking question.
Joe: i just dont want to end up hurting you
ETP: well thanks for the favor.
Joe: whatever


I suppose I'll elaborate more later, but there you have it.

"Here's to being 17 and making bad decisions"

I wake up at 6:25 to the revolting "Cingular Sound" I set my cell phone alarm to.
I briefly consider how the name is dated and how they should change it to "AT&T sound" - more appropriate but not quite as catchy.
I fall back asleep and when my mom yells up the stairs, "ELYSE, ARE YOU AWAKE?" I lie and say I have study hall first period. I set my alarm for 45 minutes later.
I can't really fall back asleep because the sun is shining through my window...
I hate the sun, consider shutting my blinds, but am too lazy and instead think Spring is almost here due to the new annoying, yet later appreciated, early winter sunrise.
I wake up at 7:20, jump in the shower and think about my short February break's events: partied a bit with Jill with kids from another town. Saw my ex-boyfriend. He didn't once through the night make eye contact with me. Partied again with the same kids, sans ex-boyfriend, a couple days later and win a game of pong with an epic bounce, earning the respect of all the guys there and a little extra from my very cute pong partner. Get the title of "Team Lightweight" due to our very obvious intoxication after four games. Smoke a cigarette and then convince myself I'm just fine to drive home. Drive home, sobered at this point, pass a cop, drive impeccably, reach destination and pass out.

I dry off and throw my hair in a towel.
Walk downstairs and pour myself a cup of coffee.
Apply make up and head off to school, only to stay for three classes and then head home.
Consider going to the gym, consider fueling my empty stomach, but instead read a few pages from a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Hear my dog snoring beside me and join her in 45 minute nap. Wake up and walk upstairs to my bedroom where I escape to my roof and smoke a cigarette. Smoke. Crawl back inside and light a stick of incense to cover up any odor that might have crept in. Blog.

Here's to being 17 and making bad decisions.

V-day Come and Gone.

I couldn't be more pleased.
I'm pretty sure the general consensus on Blogger is that it fucking sucks.
I haven't had a good Valentine's Day to date, well except when I was like 14 but that shit doesn't count. (My boyfriend put a bouquet of roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates in my locker. Not a year later, I was hanging on to the relationship by the skin of my teeth and our V-day celebration consisted of a second-hand meal at Bertucci's and a 2-hour nap to follow. I was more pissed about the nap cause I sure as fuck wasn't tired.)

Wanna know how much I hate Valentine's day? I gave up meat for Lent and I damn slaughtered a cow last night.

Fortunately, for me and livestock alike, I went to Flatbread with Jill and got a Vegetarian-friendly Pizza, Tomato Basil to be specific and heavens, it's tasty.

With that said, on a brighter note- Joe and I finally discussed all of our bullshit last night and actually made some sense out of our mess of feelings.
Turns out, as I sort of predicted, most of our problems are a product of the problems he's chosen to not only keep quiet about, but take on by himself.
Clearly, there's a reason he hasn't taken the intiative to include me in his drama, so I won't pry, but just give him time to work it out on his own.

Tonight, I'm partying with my ex-boyfriend and some other folk. I plan on getting wasted and making shit-tons of poor decisions.