TGIM

Monday. I've still got four days before I have to deal with the new status of the guy. He's not my guy, so we'll use his name instead: Doug. I'm expected to see him on the weekend; if I don't I might actually have to deal with this change, until then I'll just assure myself the reason we're not seeing each other is because he's busy during the week.
Last Friday: I head to a party with Jill where I know I'll see Doug. Fortunately, Jill drove so I help myself to a beer and a couple drags of a joint that's offered my way. Doug plays a couple games of beer pong and when he assumes a substantial buzz, he asks me if I would like to go upstairs. I know what this means and nod okay and he follows me to the couch. We don't talk, just start kissing. We lay down on the couch and kiss harder. Someone walks upstairs, we shift positions and play it cool. They come sit with us, serving as not only a disturbance but now a cock-block, and turn on iTunes. Doug kisses me and I kiss back. We make the kid uncomfortable, but we don't care. He's too drunk and I like him too much. The kid leaves, and I stroll over to the computer and put on a song we once heard in a Quentin Tarantino movie. We dance and laugh and kiss and I'm loving every minute of this. He sits back down on the couch expectantly and I say I need to tell him something. He inquires where his cell phone is instead. He's avoiding me and I'm paranoid he knows what I'm about to say. We find his cell phone, he wants to keep making out. I tell him I like him. He stares back at me expressionless. "No response?" "No, I'm just looking at you." I get off him, put on my coat, and walk back downstairs.

Next Day: This time I drive but me and Jill got the okay from the parents to crash at Nick's house so I know I can get drunk. I walk downstairs to the basement and see Doug with a couple friends. I choose not to approach him but just make a quiet entrance and stick by Jill. He doesn't acknowledge my entrance and suddenly I tense up and think back to last night's unfortunate meeting. Eventually, I make my presence known by yelling something to one of my friends playing beer pong. He comes up to me saying he didn't even notice I had showed up. Thanks, jackass.
I mingle and drink a lot of beer. Doug and I flirt but not in the usual way. Things are more tense. So much that he refuses to kiss me. I walk by and he grazes my side affectionately but I come and inch from his face and he just half smiles and looks the other way. I mutter for him to fuck himself and walk away. Mid-neglect, Jill catches my ex-boyfriend looking at me for 'a solid 10 seconds.' I talk to him instead.

Later, I notice my ex is nowhere to be found. I ask where he's run off to and I'm informed he's on the back porch. I walk out and its so dark and I'm so drunk but I know he's there. He tells me he drank too much and he starts to throw up. I rub his back and want so badly to tell him how much I'd rather date him than Doug. I want to tell him that I love him and need him, that I never stopped caring for him and that Doug is just the next best thing. I don't know whether or not any of this true but I want to tell him so badly. I bite my tongue and kiss his head. I wonder if he'll remember but it doesn't bother me.

I go back to the party and see Doug. He kisses me, finally. I try not to think about my ex, his best-friend. We kiss some more. Someone asks him if I'm his girlfriend. Neither of us responds. Later, we're kissing and we back step down a hallway. We find a room, we find a couch, we've done this before. As we're falling down to the less than comfortable futon, he says, "I like you too." I don't know what to say so I say nothing but just kiss back. He's going up my shirt and I know I should warn him not to go further in lieu of really unfortunate timing. He says he understands. He accidentally hits my eye and I say, "Oh no! You fucked up my contact." He responds with, "Sorry, babe. I didn't even know you wore contacts." I wonder what else he doesn't even know about me.

I go check on my ex, help him walk up the stairs by throwing his arm around my shoulder and bracing his back. I know Doug hates that I've been tending to Ryan all night but I don't care. I get him to bed and see him puking more, I know I've done all I can and go to bed with Doug. People keep walking in, I'm getting irritated. We're kissing, I know he's getting bored of this. We're joking around and I ask him a serious question. He doesn't answer. I flip over away from him, doze off and then wake up a few minutes later craving comfort. Instead he gets up, puts on his belt and jacket. I ask him where he's going. He says he can't sleep.
"Don't go." I say, petrified of spending the duration of the night alone in a stiff twin bed with just a shitty 300 thread count sheet to keep me warm.
"I don't have the patience. Don't be mad." He kisses me on the cheek. I would beg him to stay but I know its no use. He's gone. My bed faces the window on the front of the house. I watch him start his car, pull the car into reverse and idle for 30 seconds. I say aloud, "Please come back, what are you doing?" He shifts into drive and I watch him speed away, "Read my Mind" by the Killers trailing off as he disappears.

Two hours of sleep serves me well.

7am Oh God, I have to relive all of it again. Fuck. Why did he leave? Was it because I have my period and he couldn't get laid? He wouldn't have regardless. Did he think he was going to get laid? He must know nothing of me.
A little later, my ex thanks me for caring for him and hugs me goodbye. I'm so grateful for this. Later on, he texts me thanking me again.

I IM Doug last night and it goes horribly. I'm convinced he feels nothing for me.
Next move: play hard to get and lure him back. Forget my ex-boyfriend.