On the drive to midnight mass tonight (p.s. Merry Christmas folks) my dad and I got into a discussion about his girlfriend's relationship with her children. She's one of those moms who allows your bf/gf to sleepover in your bed, y'know one of those families. Being the diplomatic blogger and person I strive to be, I don't see what the big deal as far as my dad goes. Listen, bud, you don't live there and your girlfriend can crash at your place if you want to have a kid-free snuggle sesh. Fine. He just sees that level of sexual comfort in a household to be disrespectful to the mother. In the whole shpeil he referred to his girlfriend and himself as "seasoned adults", carefully picking his words. Placing "seasoned" before adult so not to equate me with himself. Interesting.
When is one finally recognized as an adult in society?
We're assorted different privileges at different ages, few being appropriate.
We all go on to do different things with our lives at different points, some things governing more or less responsibilities.
It is a standard in our culture that continues to perplex me, especially now that I am recognized as a "legal" adult, whatever that means.
I've come up with a couple ideas as to what defines an adult: A) You are capable of supporting yourself. And if you're REALLY good, B) You're capable of supporting someone else while supporting yourself.
All of these thoughts come into question after moving back home for winter break... I receive a great deal of respect at college, it typically comes along with all the responsibility. I do what I want, when I want. Its wonderful. Teachers assign me things, no one is breathing down my neck forcing me to do it. If I want to get completely obliterated the night before an early class, thats my fucking prerogative. The whole thing is down right refreshing.
I come back to my small hometown and immediately I'm right where I left off. I mean, the idea of college seems really fun and wild to everyone so folks are usually pretty eager asking about the whole bit, but other than that nothing has changed. I'm still just a kid. I went to alumni day a couple days ago and I freaked out a little inside during the first few minutes. (Granted: I WAS a little high after the bowl me and the amigos smoked before going in, but I bet it would have been just as terrifying otherwise)
The same people I still couldn't relate to on any level except for the fact that we had attended the same high school and, most likely, middle school. The whole thing was awkward and I was really unsure of myself the whole time. The hallways seemed too fucking familiar, I had been away too long to miss it and not long enough to feel missed and welcomed by others. With the usual woes upon moving to college (homesick b.s.) your last days from high school are so glorified and truly missed... but shit. After going back, I am SO fucking psyched to be done with all of that. Ugh. I'll take my best friends with me and say PEACE to the rest of the bullsh I no longer have to deal with on a regular basis. Such as: being constantly monitored, being forced to interact with shitty people.
I was even mistaken for a student and almost got reprimanded for leaving the school before it got out. It was funny and so innocent, yet mildly insulting. DON'T YOU KNOW I'M LEGALLY CONSIDERED AN ADULT NOW AND ATTEND COLLEGE!?
Its just funny. and weird. Its an awkward stage to be in, 18. Adult, technically. Still a kid, supposedly. A hefty load of new responsibilities but not enough to get any pats on the back.. Hmph. How do you remember 18? When did you start feeling entitled to Adult-size respect?
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6 comments:
Ahahahaha. I remember those days.
To start, your Dad is right - both about the sexual thing and the seasoned adult thing.
You are not an adult when you're 18. Most people aren't adults when the graduate college. As much as people try to characterize it otherwise, college is not the real world. Nowhere and at no point in the real world can you get trashed as you please, change your schedule at a whim, and generally live a lackadaisical life.
So, basically, yeah: you're still a kid, kiddo. Enjoy it while you can ;)
thanks for the guest appearance mort :)
and word, i know. still a kid. college life is very lackadaisical... and thats the way i prefer it damnit! That the way it should be, til you have kids at least. blah, they ruin everything
It's like Alice Cooper said:
Lines form on my face and hands
Lines form from the ups and downs
I'm in the middle without any plans
I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm eighteen
and I don't know what I want
Eighteen
I just don't know what I want
Eighteen
I gotta get away
I gotta get out of this place
I'll go runnin in outer space
Oh yeah
I got a
baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt
Cause I'm
[ Alice Cooper Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Eighteen
I get confused every day
Eighteen
I just don't know what to say
Eighteen
I gotta get away
Lines form on my face and my hands
Lines form on the left and right
I'm in the middle
the middle of life
I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm eighteen and I LIKE IT
Yes I like it
Oh I like it
Love it
Like it
Love it
Eighteen!
Eighteen!
Eighteen!
Eighteen and I LIKE IT
Well, it doesn't sound good, but he does LIKE it. He really likes it!
I knew if I waited on this one, others would make the comments for me but do a better job of it ( bonus points for Alice Cooper).
This is where Uncle Cunning sits you down and has a talk with you, Elyse..... 18 isn't adult status. Well, it is as far as legal status is concerned. You can be held accounatble in terms of legal matters, but that's not what we're truly talking about here now is it. Of course not. 18 is just a barometer for things to come. "Adult" is what you make of it. It all depends on the person and not the society. Do you hold your own in matters of the world? What if you suddently became an orphan in a land 500 miles from what you would call home. Would you be able to do just as well concerning being able to live? Not only that, would you be able to THRIVE in said situation? There's a lot of things that make somebody an "adult". Age is the last on that list.
As far as your father goes, it's about respect. Right now you have it good and you know it. You have heat. You are no more than 20 feet from a clean drinking source of water. There's food if you are hungry and so forth. It takes a LOT of time and energy to provide those things for any length of time. To come in and have a sense of self entitlement to use all of those things without the respect that it takes to get them ( read : use the space as your own personal flop house or fuck room). While the friend's mother may be a bit progressive in that manner, not all parents are the same. Like I said, it all comes down to respect of the situation and so forth.
On matters of "coming home". You really havn't been gone long enough to make that big of a change in your mind. I guess it's all relative, but years have to usually pass before the streets stay the same and the faces change. In time, you'll see how true that statement is. For me, it took 10 years before my coming home wasn't really a coming home. I left and went to the "OC" if you recall. Then I came back home and it was all different. It's sort of like coming home and other people are living in your house and the furniture is all different. Sure, the house is the same and you know what you are seeing, but then again it isn't. That is when you look at things and go "huh". That's when it changes.
Lastly, college. College is great. You still have the freshman wonderment. I envy you in that respect. But make no mistake, it's training ground for being an adult, not anything else. Sure, you have no bedtime and no real breathing down your back. But this is where you learn the term "accountability". Don't make the mistake we all did ( you will anyways, but I feel the need to warn you, regardless). Life is good right now, but by no means are you a full fledged adult. I know it seems that way now, but wait until you have to pay mortgages and taxes. Wait until you have to decide if fixing your transmission is better than replacing the whole car although you can't afford to do either one. Wait until you've had some hardships to appreciate those good times and free thoughts. I always like to say, college is where you learn to think like a Democrat because you have no real worries. The real worl is where you learn to live like a republican because there is nothing but. It's all very easy right now to point your finger and say what's right and wrong in the world and make judgements. This is pseudointellectualism at its' finest. What you perceive and what is reality are two different things. As unfortunate as it may be, you are in for a VERY bumpy road in the next 10 years. Have no fear though, you will not only survive, but this is what will make you "you".
Ok, enough of my elder speakings. Youth is wasted on the young and that's what you are right now. Like Mortar suggested.... go live your youth and enjoy it. It only comes around the once.
Thanks Cunning! That was all very insightful and made a lot of sense. By no means do I consider myself a full fledged adult, that would be foolish. I'm still very dependent on my mom. I just don't know where I stand thats all, Alice Cooper did a fine job of explaining it. Good call Noisewater!
I'm not immune to the law of being an adult. There probably isn't a week that goes by that I don't go crying to mommy for something. You know.... because that's how all the big gangsta's roll. :P
Glad we can all help in a way. Now puff puff pass and stfu. I'm not ready to be a grown up yet either.
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