TGIM

Monday. I've still got four days before I have to deal with the new status of the guy. He's not my guy, so we'll use his name instead: Doug. I'm expected to see him on the weekend; if I don't I might actually have to deal with this change, until then I'll just assure myself the reason we're not seeing each other is because he's busy during the week.
Last Friday: I head to a party with Jill where I know I'll see Doug. Fortunately, Jill drove so I help myself to a beer and a couple drags of a joint that's offered my way. Doug plays a couple games of beer pong and when he assumes a substantial buzz, he asks me if I would like to go upstairs. I know what this means and nod okay and he follows me to the couch. We don't talk, just start kissing. We lay down on the couch and kiss harder. Someone walks upstairs, we shift positions and play it cool. They come sit with us, serving as not only a disturbance but now a cock-block, and turn on iTunes. Doug kisses me and I kiss back. We make the kid uncomfortable, but we don't care. He's too drunk and I like him too much. The kid leaves, and I stroll over to the computer and put on a song we once heard in a Quentin Tarantino movie. We dance and laugh and kiss and I'm loving every minute of this. He sits back down on the couch expectantly and I say I need to tell him something. He inquires where his cell phone is instead. He's avoiding me and I'm paranoid he knows what I'm about to say. We find his cell phone, he wants to keep making out. I tell him I like him. He stares back at me expressionless. "No response?" "No, I'm just looking at you." I get off him, put on my coat, and walk back downstairs.

Next Day: This time I drive but me and Jill got the okay from the parents to crash at Nick's house so I know I can get drunk. I walk downstairs to the basement and see Doug with a couple friends. I choose not to approach him but just make a quiet entrance and stick by Jill. He doesn't acknowledge my entrance and suddenly I tense up and think back to last night's unfortunate meeting. Eventually, I make my presence known by yelling something to one of my friends playing beer pong. He comes up to me saying he didn't even notice I had showed up. Thanks, jackass.
I mingle and drink a lot of beer. Doug and I flirt but not in the usual way. Things are more tense. So much that he refuses to kiss me. I walk by and he grazes my side affectionately but I come and inch from his face and he just half smiles and looks the other way. I mutter for him to fuck himself and walk away. Mid-neglect, Jill catches my ex-boyfriend looking at me for 'a solid 10 seconds.' I talk to him instead.

Later, I notice my ex is nowhere to be found. I ask where he's run off to and I'm informed he's on the back porch. I walk out and its so dark and I'm so drunk but I know he's there. He tells me he drank too much and he starts to throw up. I rub his back and want so badly to tell him how much I'd rather date him than Doug. I want to tell him that I love him and need him, that I never stopped caring for him and that Doug is just the next best thing. I don't know whether or not any of this true but I want to tell him so badly. I bite my tongue and kiss his head. I wonder if he'll remember but it doesn't bother me.

I go back to the party and see Doug. He kisses me, finally. I try not to think about my ex, his best-friend. We kiss some more. Someone asks him if I'm his girlfriend. Neither of us responds. Later, we're kissing and we back step down a hallway. We find a room, we find a couch, we've done this before. As we're falling down to the less than comfortable futon, he says, "I like you too." I don't know what to say so I say nothing but just kiss back. He's going up my shirt and I know I should warn him not to go further in lieu of really unfortunate timing. He says he understands. He accidentally hits my eye and I say, "Oh no! You fucked up my contact." He responds with, "Sorry, babe. I didn't even know you wore contacts." I wonder what else he doesn't even know about me.

I go check on my ex, help him walk up the stairs by throwing his arm around my shoulder and bracing his back. I know Doug hates that I've been tending to Ryan all night but I don't care. I get him to bed and see him puking more, I know I've done all I can and go to bed with Doug. People keep walking in, I'm getting irritated. We're kissing, I know he's getting bored of this. We're joking around and I ask him a serious question. He doesn't answer. I flip over away from him, doze off and then wake up a few minutes later craving comfort. Instead he gets up, puts on his belt and jacket. I ask him where he's going. He says he can't sleep.
"Don't go." I say, petrified of spending the duration of the night alone in a stiff twin bed with just a shitty 300 thread count sheet to keep me warm.
"I don't have the patience. Don't be mad." He kisses me on the cheek. I would beg him to stay but I know its no use. He's gone. My bed faces the window on the front of the house. I watch him start his car, pull the car into reverse and idle for 30 seconds. I say aloud, "Please come back, what are you doing?" He shifts into drive and I watch him speed away, "Read my Mind" by the Killers trailing off as he disappears.

Two hours of sleep serves me well.

7am Oh God, I have to relive all of it again. Fuck. Why did he leave? Was it because I have my period and he couldn't get laid? He wouldn't have regardless. Did he think he was going to get laid? He must know nothing of me.
A little later, my ex thanks me for caring for him and hugs me goodbye. I'm so grateful for this. Later on, he texts me thanking me again.

I IM Doug last night and it goes horribly. I'm convinced he feels nothing for me.
Next move: play hard to get and lure him back. Forget my ex-boyfriend.

ugh.

I'm a little upset. Not very. Just a little.
I'm in the band at school, I play trumpet. We're going on a lovely cruise down the coast of California April 12-19th, so close! ahhh! Well my mom absolutely INSISTED on coming so I was cool with it. She originally said, "I want to chaperone if I can, but if I can't then I'll just buy a separate boarding pass for the cruise ship and just tag along." Well, she was fortunate enough to get a spot on the chaperone list.

Tonight, I tell her how excited I am and suddenly my stupid sister opens her mouth and goes, "I don't Mom is going to like being a chaperone. I don't think you can drink or anything."

Then my mom starts FREAKING out about how she paid so much moneyyyy and now she finds out she won't be able to drink or party or do anything worth her while. She starts saying how this is MY fault because I waited too long to give her the details, (that she can't consume alcohol while supervising highschool students...gee, ma, sorry I left that one out!) From here, I choose to leave the room after telling her how incredibly rude she's behaving.

What I wanted to say was, "This trip isn't about you. It's about me. It's what I've been working towards for 9 years. You begged to come just so you could see me. Had I known you just wanted a vacation with some background music I wouldn't have gotten you on the list."

I'm sick of this shit.

What is it about my ears...

that screams "PLEASE PUT ME IN YOUR MOUTH" ?????
The new boy likes ears too.
What to do, what to do!?
Well, I think I like him very much so I won't do much about it; in the meantime, I'll just make sure to be extra thorough with my q-tip.

It's funny how things work out.

Joe is back with his ex girlfriend. Well, I'm not sure they're officially dating, but they've been spending a lot of time together.
I posed a question to my boss as to why he would ditch me and go back with her, and he gave me quite the enlightening response.

Here's why I asked- in the entire 3-4 months Joe and I dated he never did more than kiss me. There was plenty of opportunity, I mean plenty.
We sort of separated once but then shortly after, we started talking again and met up at CCSU. Remember? Then we tried it out for another month or so and it ended with him saying he didn't want to "hurt me."

He called a few times after that but I was pretty much done.
Now he's back with his sex-obsessed ex-girlfriend.
Alas, the object of my confusion was, he never even made a move on me, but seemed to like me a lot. Then! he dumps me and goes back to his past nymph. Ironic, eh? If all he was looking for was booty, I would have skipped all the emotional crap and worked out some sort of agreement...a little FWB, for ya? (friends with benefits)

I'm totally kidding, but that's besides the point.
My boss told me the real reason he dumped me and went back was because he clearly still had feelings for his ex and didn't see our situation going any further until he sorted things out with her. Fair enough.

This makes entirely TOO much sense. Now I'm left with the mystery as to WHY he couldn't just tell me. It had nothing to do with me. How could I be hurt by that? It was ending either way, a little honesty could have smoothed things over immediately.

I'm content. I deleted his number from my phone.


I've been seeing the new boy frequently.
My current mission is to woo him into loving me.
Shouldn't take too long so feel free to practice a few exercises to improve the ol' lung capacity until I report back with good news. ;)

Punch drunk love?

To recount the past week's events in a timely manner:

-Realized that I can never go back to ex, and decided to mack it on his best friend
-Joe has tried a few times to get in contact with me but there's just no hope for him
-My ear-obsessed dream boy texted me saying he wants to hang out when he gets home from college next week
-I've taken quite a liking to the White Stripes, I'll elaborate more later
-I gave up the whole Lent thing. I love meat, call me a sinner.
-I really need to play catch-up on all of your blogs.


So! The new boy:

He's my ex-boyfriends best friend but that hardly matters; it just serves as a lovely device to inspire jealousy. He's devilishly attractive and a little untrustworthy. We have been texting like fiends and I met up with him today. He reserved a bottle of Cabernet for the two of us, so we cracked that bad boy open minutes after my arrival. The next two hours are a complete blur but they are mostly comprised of a lot of flirting and him backing me into a hallway and kissing me.
Later, we went down to the basement to listen to the White Stripes where he (I know this sounds pretty corny, but bare with me) sang along in my ear and gave me a whole new meaning to the lyrics, "Soft hair and a velvet tongue, I wanna give you what you give to me."

Amidst all of our punch-drunk love, some girl took me aside to tell me that typically he hits it and quits it. He goes from girl to girl and doesn't think twice when he gives her the news that it might be a smart idea to stop talking.
Now! If we recall to my last post, I'm certainly not up for any more of that shit.
Alas, my guard will be up. However! his very good friend, mine as well, told me he's never seen him like this around one of his many girls. So maybe, things will be different.

Either way, it'll make for a good blog post. OPA!