It is officially Christmas Eve.

SO much shit has happened since I last blogged.

1. I went to a party with Joe friday night.
I really like his friends so going to parties with him is always a blast. He was being way more affectionate than usual too- I think it's because I said something. The whole night he stuck by my side. Aside from his shyness, he really is QUITE the gentleman and not in a phony way, either. For example: Naturally because I am 17, we have parties in basements with cement floors. (Not all the time but in this case.) Joe was occupying the comfiest seat in the house, but as soon as he realized I had to sit on a cement floor, he gave up his seat. Very sweet, no? I appreciate the small things. By the end of the night we were all pretty hammered and then I decided to drive home. Normally, I'm very opposed to this sort of thing. I didn't even think I was too drunk- more like a strong buzz. Regardless, I got home safely and then decided to never do it again. But guess what! Joe walked me to my car and actually made a move- shocking, right?

2. I went to NYC yesterday!

SO fun! I spent the day in St. Mark's, my favorite part of the city. I went with six friends- one was celebrating a birthday. For the big 1-8 she got a really lame tattoo of an outline of a heart on the back of her neck. Smart, right? So glad I lack the "I want to tattoo fairies/angels/hearts/moons all over my body" girl gene. Anywho, later on we went over to Rockefellar Center to see the tree. I've actually never seen it before so it was quite the treat; minus the horrible mobs and barking children, of course. Next, we went into Saks. Although, I felt extremely out of place with my shabby coat and hoodie, I couldn't help but love every single second of being in that place. I might lack the gene for bad taste in tattoos, but I sure as hell inherited the adoration for all things frilly and expensive. The decorations were lovely, everyone was so nice and welcoming, I never wanted to leave.

3. I went to a party after NYC.
Because my friends never can accept going to bed before midnight, after we got back from the train station, my friends and I christened my new bowl and got McDonalds. After stoned hysterics in the car....

Drive thru person: What would you like to order?
Alyssa: 3 #8s please!
ETP: YEAH! GOT THAT?!...JUST KIDDING. (Seriously, no reason for malice. None at all. I felt horrible afterward, hence "just kidding", also- a bit scared of Drive Thru person spitting in my french fries.)

... We headed over to my friend's house. I walk downstairs and see Coleman.
Coleman, oh Coleman. Man of my dreams. He graduated last year and every girl from my school was in love with him. He is the most charming guy you'll ever meet. A couple months ago, we hung out at a party. We flirted all night and I asked him outside for a smoke. We ended up sitting out there for three hours, not stop talking/laughing. It was wonderful. Later that night, he asked me to bed and we hooked up. When the kissing stopped, the cuddling began. Definitely not a chincy hook-up at all. It had some meaning behind it, or at least it did for me. Unfortunately, after that night, he went back to college and we hadn't talked since last night.

The flirting basically resumed last night. He kept doing that thing, that all guys think is sOoOo clever: walk by and quick pinch/grab of waist. So very sly! Actually, I didn't mind a bit. At the end of the night when I had to leave, Coleman gave me a hug and we exchanged numbers. He's home for a month so hopefully I'll get to have a repeat of our first encounter.

4. Loads of Christmas shopping.
The only upside to spending tons of money was I got to do it with my best friend who is home from the city. As for now, I just have to muster up the motivation to wrap all this shit. Wish me luck!


Merry Christmas, Bloggers=)

My love life is about as hot as the East Coast.

It's currently 12 fucking degrees outside.


I know you all keep telling me to quit this guy like a bad habit but I just can't. Maybe it's because I've actually fooled myself into believing, like so many women do, that there is something there when there really isn't. He's hot, he makes me laugh, I can hang out with him all day, and he pays for everything. Perfect right?
So, I'm not ready to back off just yet...I'll play it cool for a couple more weeks and if nothing results I'll know it wasn't meant to be.

Tonight, I went over to his house and we rented a XMen. Ordered Chinese. Hung out with his friend for a bit. At the end of the night, his friend left and I said:

ETP: I think I'll head out too.
JC: Okay well call me tomorrow.
ETP: Want to walk me to my car?
JC: Oh yeah yeah of course.
-walks to vehicle, starts vehicle, shuts car door-
ETP: Sooo...(in girl lingo: Try a little tenderness, jackass.)
JC: So when do you get out of school tomorrow?
blahblahblah
JC: Alright, well call me tomorrow.
ETP: Will do.
-gets back into vehicle-
ugh.

My mom thought I should try out the super cool "So why aren't you kissing me, Joe?"
Real smooth. Instead I tried-

ETP: do you hang out with a lot of girls or just me?
ETP: sorry if that's out of nowhere
JC: just you
ETP: theres a reason for that, right?
JC: yes
ETP: okay just making sure cause sometimes idk about you joe
JC: how so
ETP: mixed signals
JC: like..
ETP: well sometimes idk if you're shy or just not feeling it, you know? i mean idc. i love hanging out with you but i just want to make sure we're on the same page
ETP: i def want to keep hanging out.
JC: i do want to hang out with you
JC: i really like hanging out with you
ETP: do you?
ETP: that makes me happy
JC: yes
JC: but im going to bed
JC: so call me tomorrow
ETP: i willl
JC: goodnight
ETP: gnight

If it doesn't happen tomorrow, I don't think it ever will. The only thing is- IT ALREADY DID. IT ALREADY HAPPENED. WE MADE OUT. IT WAS AWESOME. LETS DO IT AGAIN PLEASEEE.

I keep having dreams about making out with guys. Not just any guy. Certain ones. Like Jon. I visited him at work today when I left the gym. We're hanging out Sunday...So we shall see how that pans out. My friend, Brian, told me that "make out" dreams mean more than sex dreams. Sex dreams are purely lustful whereas "make out" dreams come from somewhere deeper, emotionally of course. In my case, I think it is a combination of both. I just need something. Anything. Even my subconscious is frustrated with Joe.

I wouldn't be so damn eager to hang out with other dudes if Joe would just man the fuck up. It's really not too much to ask. 18 aside, he's experienced. I'm experienced for God sake. "Making a big deal out of kissing" period ended like freshman year. FUCK.

I'm going to NYC Saturday- I couldn't be more excited. Really. The weather might be shitty but it is completely what I need right now. Some good old fashioned smog and interaction with people just as miserable as me.

Promiscuity in the Holiday Season

Friday kicked off with a great start.
I had a delay for school due to horrrible roads so Pat and I met for coffee.
Following coffee, we took a drive blasting Lil Wayne and Damian Marley with a cigarette in hand. It was seriously the best way to begin my weekend.

After school I met with Joe to go get some CDs (as you read in the last post)
And you also read- no "mackage" as I so eloquently put it.
A bit disappointing but whatever.

I went to a party Friday night and got completely fucking wasted. It was a magical evening. However, as you also read in my last post, lately I've been particularly impatient...So when 1am rolled around and my friend Dave wanted to go to bed- I followed. Go ETP, right? FUCKING WRONG.

As Dave and I are making out- guess who calls? JOE.
Guess who picks up: DRUNK ETP.
I felt reallyyy horrible. Here's this sweet guy calling me to see how my night went and I'm mid make-out sesh with my ex-fling. Shortly after I sort of just rolled over and passed out.

It's not even the kissing that bothered me about the whole situation- it was the fact that Dave and I, at one time, liked each other a great deal. It meant something. As we were kissing he kept saying things like, "I've been thinking about you a lot lately." It freaked me out.

The whole time I wished it was Joe I was kissing.
The weirdest part was I had been waiting for that forever. When it finally happened, it was better than I had expected, exactly what I needed, but the complete opposite of what I wanted.

I woke up the next morning, got McDonalds with my guys and shortly after headed home with some strong coffee to ease my hangover. Around 2 or so I went to a little Portuguese Christmas party- it was lovely=) Delicious food. Great family.

Joe had told me- during our 1am phone conversation - that we would hang out that night. So I called him around 6:30 to see what the deal was and he responded with- "Well, is there anything to do? I'll call you when I figure out something to do."

Hey, dummy, I'm something to do. What the hell kind of question is that? Anyway-

In desperate need of some nicotine- I called up Pat with the proposal of a trip to Starbucks. We smoked a joint on the way there and got some lattes.

Finally, around 9 I'm wondering what the hell is up so I call Joe-

ETP: Hey, Pat just told me about some party so unless you still want to do something, I'm going out with him
Joe: Yeah, yeah. Just go there.

Dear men everywhere: When a girl says something along these lines to you, NEVER EVER should you say "just go there." That is not the response we are looking for.

I went to the LAMEST party ever, chock-full of douche bags. One girl there was actually begging every guy in the room to have sex with her.
Direct quote: "I'M PISSED CAUSE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WON'T FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME."
I nearly vomited. Except I was stoned so I just sort of stared with my mouth open.

I talked to Joe a little today and it didn't go particularly well. All I wanted was him to just call me and tell me what was up. Don't keep me waiting- fair enough, right? Come to find out- his best friend was home from college so they were getting themselves into loads of trouble. Forgivable.

The rest of my day was pretty much spent sulking around the house, watching my family decorate the tree, and eating half my body mass in chestnuts mmmmm =)

IM Convos that define who I am.

ETP: i dont understand the situation with Joe
ETP: we just hung out
ETP: and no mackage
solo pat: whatthefuck
solo pat: what did you do
ETP: just went to FYE and then to his friends house
ETP: who wasnt home but we still hung out in his basement
ETP: it was fun
ETP: but there was no kissing.
ETP: is he waiting for the perfect moment?
solo pat: idkkk
ETP: whatever.
ETP: if it doesnt happen this weekend= friend territory
ETP: i cant believe im back here!
solo pat: oh noo we keep getting back
ETP: ETP is frustrated like none fucking other
ETP: i forgot some of my shit in his car so we met up at lake garda and even then
ETP: nothing
solo pat: that was like perfect
ETP: that would have been perfect moment!
solo pat: i knowww
ETP: ugh.
ETP: he was just like "okay well call me tomorrow!"
ETP: i think im gonna call jon.
ETP: i dont need to peruse just one option
solo pat: elyse
ETP: if one gets serious- ill stop. until then there is no reason to settle after one drunken make out
solo pat: stop FREAKING out
ETP: im not freaking out.
solo pat: well you dont need to call jon
ETP: why the heck not?
ETP: his friends are sweet and have awesome pot
ETP: and hes hot
ETP: and we have a good time
ETP: definitely shouldn't call him.
solo pat: lol fine
solo pat: ETP: his friends are sweet and have awesome pot
solo pat: thats the clincher
ETP: haha well OBVIOUSLY.
ETP: reason why i said it first
ETP: but the longer we do the "getting to know eachother" thing the more bored i get. id rather get to know him naked.
ETP: thats all im sayin
solo pat: oh goddddd

17, impatient, antsy*
A deadly combination, my friends.
What the hell should I do?




*originally: horny- changed in the better interest of my safety.

"Don't want no funk down under"

Yet another update:

After many failed attempts of hanging out, it finally happened last night. Joe picked me up from my house around 9 and we headed off to a party. When I first got there, I was a bit disappointed. There were only a few kids there, no one I knew. So, I asked Joe to go get food and we headed off to Burger King. (What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic.) By the time we got back, the party had doubled in size and a few kids were playing beer pong. Also, we picked up my friend Alyssa- I was sooo thankful I had a friend come with. Made things MUCH easier. Joe and I didn't really get a lot of one-on-one time at the party but I didn't mind much. There was this other realllyyy hot guy, also named Joe, who was playing pong. We were partners together and cleaned up so I was feeling pretty good and drunk. P.S. Sam Adams Winter Lager= DELICIOUS!


As I was kicking major ass at pong, I couldn't help but notice that (my) Joe was being way neglected, at his own party no less. So, I gave my pong partner a hearty high-five and joined Joe for a smoke. Pretty soon people started clearing out and it was about 5 of us left. We were all pretty hammered at this point, except Joe. No drunk driving, no sir. We stayed for maybe another hour- all just sitting around bullshitting. I must have made a good impression because later on Joe told me that when I left to use the bathroom, his friends told him they liked me a lot.
(=

We drop his huge Samoan friend, Justin, off who gave me the biggest hug as he got out of the car (p.s. turns out Samoa is a country. who knew?) The rest of the ride home Joe and I were just talking/laughing about everything. As we're driving close to my house I say to him,
"I want to keep hanging out."
"So lets keep hanging out!"
"No, I mean right now"

So he came inside and we watched SNL reruns and talked some more- both telling one another some things we could have held off on.

FOR EXAMPLE: He felt the need to tell me about one of his drunken sexual escapades.
"Now, I'm not gonna lie, elyse. I put it in her butt."

I appreciate the honesty, HOWEVER!- I never even asked. He chose to tell me- THUS! He wouldn't be lying if he maybe held off on telling me about how he did some girl up the ass.

'Round 2:30 I was sobering out and he was damn near passing out so he decided it was time to call it a night. I walked him to my door and we had the *I think this is it* moment one experiences (mostly at my age- no?) right before the first kiss and then finalllyyyy it happened. Thank Jesus. It would have been safe to assume he was a gay if he left without a kiss/hug/etc. Oh, and it was perfect.

He left. I was so drunk happy I laid down on my couch and passed right out.

This morning I couldn't find my cell phone anywhere- Joe later on confirmed I left it in his car. Because paranoia and me are like two peas in a pod, I am freaking out "what if he reads my text messages" "what if he goes through my pictures" blahblahblah- SO! My friend Ryan (total babe) texts my phone being like "Hey elyse thanks for playing with my balls the other night, hope it got you wet" I didn't help him think of this one- he did it all by himself- but the point is, if Joe says anything about it or it is marked as read- we'll know someone was peaking.

Also- I changed my picture because I feel like I'm becoming more and more paranoid that someone who knows me will find the site- if any of you would like to see the real ETP- facebook me!

Thanks, pal.

IM convo with a friend:

alex: you are cute, just not afraid to speak your mind
alex: which seems to frighten some
ETP: well i dont really care
ETP: i hate when people say that to me alex
ETP: i know you mean well
alex: say which
ETP: its not like the most pleasant thing to hear that i frighten people.
ETP: obviously the ones that matter stick around
alex: the ones that dont matter get frightened by a girl who actually shows some semblence of intelligence
ETP: and if half the people i "frighten" took 10 min to get to know me they'd probably find a lot more than a cynic
alex: there you go
ETP: yeah but no one gets that
ETP: and you bring it up all the time, do people say this a lot?
alex: its just a conclusion that ive reached listening to what you say and watching how people act
alex: but its what i think, and it would explain a lot of your boy issues



Forgive me, but if I'm not totally fucking off base here- this is indeed a round-about way of saying YOU ARE A BITCH.

Thanks, pal.

The joys of txting.

For some silly reason, whenever my friend, Pat, feels like discussing a certain someone with me he uses their initials (mostly, in group settings so our conversation is a little more discrete) He refers to Joe as JC.

Pat: "So JC?"
ETP: Don't call him that! It sounds like you're talking about Jesus.
Pat: Jesus Christ?
ETP: No, the other one.

Later on texting...

ETP: Fingerbang. (Don't ask)
Pat: LMAO are you hanging out with jesus tonight?
ETP: haha don't call him Jesus, that's horrible! But yeah, I'm hanging out with him. If we don't make out I might die from with drawl.
Pat: it is about time you got some
ETP: Seriously dude. Last time was Homecoming. I'm near death, I can see the light.
Pat: Well only *Jesus* can save you now.

Humor via text. Who knew?
I do know that I will be kicking this mother fucker to the curb if he doesn't stick his tongue down my throat. That's all I'm saying.

Updates are in!

Last night I went out with Joe again.
Originally Jon was supposed to come into my work to make plans with me, we decided this Wednesday. Once I established Joe was a babe, I decided I much rather hang out with him Saturday night and together we came up with a bullshit excuse to tell Jon.

So Saturday night rolls around and Jon never even shows up at my work. So I'm thinking this gives me a perfect excuse to cut all emotion off with him- plus I didn't have to lie to get out of hanging out. I run home, tell my mom where I'm off to and she asks about Jon- right as I'm telling her the whole shpiel, Jon calls.

Jon: yo, what up?
ETP: not a lot, you?
Jon: oh man, I'm really sorry that I didn't come visit you tonight. I got backed up at work and ended staying way late. What are you doing tonight?
ETP: Oh well, because you never showed up I made other plans. (a bit manipulative, no?)
Jon: Ughhh, I'm so sorry. What are your plans?
ETP: (slightly annoyed) welll, I'm going to see a movie with a friend.
Person in background of Jon's current location: YO WE GON' HAVE A PARTYYY!
Jon: Yeahh so maybe if you wanna show up with your girlfriend or whatever you can.
ETP: uh, maybe. I'll call you if I'm up to it.


He actually sounded really stoned on the phone. I've decided I'm not nearly as interested in Jon as I am in Joe so I think I made the right choice in blowing off Jon.

Joe picks me up, meets mom (She highly approved of him "oh hes just so cute and friendly"- this makes things so much easier. She's a real pain in the ass if she doesn't like who I'm dating) and then we're on our merry way.

We go to the movies and decide the only acceptable thing to see is Beowulf in 3D, but it didn't start until 10:10 so we went over to get pizza in the meantime.
He paid for both my food and my ticket. The movie was okay and afterwards he brought me home. He said he had a great time, how he wanted to talk to me later on, and I said "Thanks for the great night!" I get out of the car and walk inside. Yes, folks. That was it.

Pizza. Beowulf. Thanks for the great night.
And the blue balls, asshole.
I looked so cute too. I mean really.
No hug, no nothing.
Now all of you have to think in an 18 year old boy's mindset.
I've gotten mixed reviews- some say he could just be shy/nervous, some say he could just think of me as a friend.

We have such great conversation! We laugh and have so much in common. I'm so attracted to him too.

I need an objective point of view here people so give me some damn feedback.

Also- I was nominated for "Most Pessimistic" and "Most Sarcastic" for superlatives. I was flattered.

Seriously?

I guess I HAVE to play along, obviously you people need surveys to really get to know the true ETP. Clearly, a blog about MY LIFE is too vague and impersonal.
Here goes-

The Rules:

1) Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

And away we go....

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? "no one"- alicia keys

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? "vultures"- john mayer HAHAH

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? "a break a pause" - as tall as lions (thats depressing)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "get gone" - fiona apple

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? "new slang" - the shins

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? "here comes the sun"- the beatles

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "naomi"- neutral milk hotel

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? "we will become silhouettes"- the postal service

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "hide and seek" - imogen heap

10) WHAT IS 2+2? "i will follow you into the dark"- death cab for cutie

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? "right me up"- state radio

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "clark gable" - the postal service
=)=)=)=)

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "champagne supernova"- oasis mmm pretty much

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "evil"- interpol couldn't be further from the truth!

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "amsterdam"- coldplay

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "don't die in me" -mirah

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? "good people" - jack johnson

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "slow hands" - interpol

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "pardon me" - incubus

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "use me" - fiona apple

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "the way things are"- fiona apple



well this was overall depressing, so glad I played your little game.

Cloud Nine ain't too bad.

The reason for my increased elevation is I met up with the other guy tonight. (Not Jon, the other one who I didn't know enough to write about)

Okay what you are about to read may be a little comical/frightening but you are NOT allowed to judge/mock me. Got it, chief?

This kid Joe added me on myspace. I usually never accept anyone I don't know personally but it said he lived in Bristol, just a town over from me so I figured, why the hell not? Plus he was damn cute. That helped. That always helps.

We got to talking and at first I thought he was a complete douche, really. complete.
But Myspace is notorious for giving the wrong impressions about people so we started to chat through instant messenger. Not only was he SO funny, but also very intelligent.

I told my friend Pat about this new kid I had been talking to and come to find out, he knows him personally! This was quite relieving, to say the least. That way, I figured, if we ever met up it would be because we had mutual friends and not because we met on myspace.

I have been talking to this kid non stop for the past few days and tonight we hung out. We met at McDonalds for a little fast-food cuisine (FAST being the key word- I had a meeting at 7 and we met at 5:45 so obviously our time was limited)

I had so so so sooo much fun! We did not stop talking the entire time. If there was a lull in conversation it was because we didn't want to be rude and talk with our mouths full of food. (Delicious chicken selects for me, mmm. The more trans fat, the better, I always say!)

We actually managed to have a deep conversation and crack up laughing at the same time. How common is that?

He payed for my food- not exactly a $246 meal a la Mortar- but the way he did it was so sly; I didn't even have the opportunity to object. His McFlurry came to all of $2 but he still payed for my full meal. Needless to say, I appreciate the little things.

I'm not sure when I'll see him again, but I really hope it is soon.
I have a date with Jon saturday night and suddenly I'm not very excited to go...
I suppose it's too early to start worrying about eventually choosing one over the other but I genuinely hope it doesn't come to that point.

Thirsty Tuesday?

Right when I was swearing myself off men, two come a-knockin' on my door!
The one I actually care about is a guy named Jon.
We used to work together but he quit and now he works for his Dad's restaurant.
Tonight, at work my boss told me that Jon was coming in to work for a couple hours.
I should probably mention, I've had a thing for Jon since we started working together in the beginning of September...on the other hand, I have a thing for half the male student body at my high school.

Anywho, I ask my boss what time Jon was planning to come in and he said 5.

5:15-
Me- Where's your boy?
Boss- He's a frickin' liar! He always tells me he's coming and never shows up. Whatever, I don't give a shit if he comes or not.
Me- Yes, you do. You're clearly upset.
Boss- No, I do not!
Me- Uh, sure. Anyways, maybe he's just running late. No big.

5:25 Jon arrives
Boss- See Elyse, I told you he'd show up. (to Jon) She was all worried you wouldn't be here.
*Cue death glare and silent plotting of poisoning boss' coffee*

A little while later, Jon went to the package store to pick up some beer.
While he's gone my boss explained to me how he is going to hook me and Jon up.
Sure, Gramps. Work your magic cause clearly you've been the missing secret weapon I've needed all along.

The rest of the night was very fun. We had a few beers and laughs, did I mention I fucking LOVE my job? What 17 year old gets paid for this shit?

Jon asked me to have a smoke with him after we closed so I gladly obliged.
It was a sweet little conversation and at one point he grabbed my hand- can't say I minded a bit. My boss made his exit by saying "Bye Lovebirds"

Er... Do I say something? (I didn't want Jon to think I thought this was some big romantic moment if he was on a totally different page) But, nope. I didn't and neither did Jon. =]
We left it off by me promising I'd go visit him at work tomorrow and I intend to keep that promise.


The other guy is pretty hot but I don't really know enough about him yet to add anything to this post. All I know is that, I am not getting my hopes up because I refuse to say, "It's all right, I just had my hopes up for this one, that's all."
I won't do it damnit.

Everyone needs to complain once in a while

Everything lately seems a little off.
I don't feel like my normal self.
I feel like I'm just treading water until I fall off a big fucking waterfall or something, if that makes sense.
Nothing is new and yet I feel completely different.
I'm completely lazy and it disgusts me.
I can't even get my shit together for college applications
I'm doing it all by myself and I know you're probably thinking "wah wah wah I did too, everyone does, so just do it." But its just getting tiresome.
Work is the same day in and day out.
I don't learn in classes.
I don't do my homework.
I maintain decent grades but I haven't handed in a single homework assignment for the past 2 weeks so I'm sure I'm slowly but surely fucking myself royally.
Give me some damn inspiration, would you?

To quote the funniest person I know-

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Taking a moment to say grace

So, the whole point of this day is to realize what you have and then appreciate all of those things. Actually you're supposed to "thank" someone or something. Being a Christian, I thank God. However, I feel this day has become an excuse to stuff your fucking face. I actually for a minute considered saying a little pre-supper prayer (a little thing I like to call "GRACE" for all you disgraceful atheists! JK furealz!) and then I was like "Fuck it" and just started eating. Realllllll niccceee. Too lazy to even say thank you to the big man upstairs. My food sure as hell wasn't going anywhere.

So in light of my gluttony, I've formed a list of things I actually am thankful for, not necessarily in any particular order:

My car.

You have no idea how thankful I am for my ride. Yesterday, I got into a huge fight with my sister (over BLUSH of all things UGH) and it ended with her screaming "It's so much fucking better when you're not around. All you do is bitch." and then me taking off in my car and crying in private. I'm not a huge crier, but that was straight up cunt-like.

Booze.
Now, I'm certainly no drunkard HOWEVER! It really lightens the mood and encourages flirting and social interaction. No one NEEDS to get wasted* but a little liquor can do ya good! Plus, when you've had a horrible month nothing is better than just getting absolutely hammered with your best friends only to wake up the next morning and have NO idea where you are. (I love reminiscing about my b-day)

My family.
They are really wonderful. My parents split years back but it doesn't bother me much at all. My dad is my hero and he is always making me crack up laughing. My mom is completely different. I drink in front of her, not a lot but sometimes I'll have a beer or something on slightly special occasions. It is just one of those relationships where I could tell her anything and she'd be straight up honest with me. She is very understanding of my feelings and my lifestyle. She, however, does not like anything outside the norm. My sisters are also GREAT people. Leigh is 9 years older than me and is a barrel of laughs. She may not be all in one piece but she can make me laugh til I choke my own Thanksgiving dinner. (TRUE STORY) Brooke, my other sister, is not quite 2 years older than me. She has a wonderful boyfriend whom I look to as a brother. However, she lately has been a complete fucking bitch to me, but that's not to say she doesn't have a lot of good in her.

The Opposite Sex
Boy do I love 'em! wheewwww. Everything about them. Not to say I'm a big ol' tramp or whatevz but I've also never been called a prude either. There is this one boy I'm trying to woo right now. I'm a little unsure of what he's thinking but I'll know in time. He is Brooke's BF's very good friend. He comes over the house all the time, I spent the night in his dorm once (Nothing went down to my poor fortune cause he had a girlfriend or whatever SNOOOZE.) And for my b-day he drove about 30 min to come have dinner with me and whatever, a very nice gesture. He also asked Brooke's BF for my number and continued to call me incessantly for a couple days. He suddenly broke up with his GF of 2 years too...Except he hasn't called me since he broke things off with her which makes me think maybe he's just taking some time for himself, totally understandable. My neighbor (the coolest 50 year old you will ever meet) told me he noticed whenever Ryan was around, he seemed to have "big-eyes" for me. All good, right? FUCKINGMOTHERFUCK WRONG!

ETP: So, uh, Ryan broke up with his GF then?
Brooke: Uh, yeah, why?
ETP: Well, I saw it on Facebook so I just wanted to confirm it.
Brooke: Well, yeah but I hope you don't think you have a chance.
He thinks you're wayyyy too young.
ETP: (crying inside) Uh..no no. I'm not into him or anything..just checkin'...

So is the never-ending saga of my pathetic excuse for a lovelife. This I am definitely not thankful for. Could be worse, could be A LOT better.

Back to Ryan- He's almost 21 and I'm 17. Granted it IS illegal BUT! It really isn't THAT bad. Most married couples meet around our age and typically are 5-6 years apart. SO there.

My new ipod

It holds all my supercool music (which I'm ALSO thankful for) and I also donated to AFRICA by buying it in red! A tech-savvy philanthropist with supercool taste in music, all in one? Who knew!?

And of course my amazinnggg friends. They are truly wonderful. So are all of you!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!<3



*I'm 17. The day I admit to myself (slash put in writing) that the status of my weekends is completely dependant on how liquored up I become, I might op for a Fanta instead. Thus, my reasoning for writing "no one NEEDS to get wasted" Bring on the booze!

A new year and a new attitude

I've decided to change my entire dating style; it has proved QUITE unsuccessful.

By the way, not to stray from the topic at hand but my birthday was a BLAST!
My best friend came home from NYC just for me.
About 20 of my friends joined me at Bertucci's (you know, the better version of Olive Garden) for some delicious dinner.
I was shocked to find several of my friends bearing all sorts of different gift bags just for me! =)
I've never been the friend that gives OR receives presents. I think all that jazz is SO overdone and pretty much a huge waste of money, but whatever. I was ecstatic to open presents regardless of said sentiment. Plus at this point it was 8pm and I had been drinking since about 5:30.
Dinner was GREAT. I had stashed a small bottle of Smirnoff in my purse to spice up my otherwise boring Coke. Boy was my chicken marsala FANTASTIC. It was a very good dinner.

Following dinner, we all decided to go back to my friend Frank*'s place for some more fun. I have not been so drunk in quite a while. Holy shit. My goal of getting shitfaced was passed by FLYING COLORS.



My other goal was not. (hot boy in my pants) So, in note of this I'm changing my dating mentality.

To give a little background info:
By December of freshman year of High school, I had a boyfriend. He was my best friend, my first love, my world. This sort of love at a young age can really fuck with the rest of someone's adolescence. We didn't break up until August 2006, when he was on his way to college. Although I still loved him very much, this was my opportunity to experience something new. New at this point was a totally foreign concept to me.

I ran wild with this new freedom: taking whatever drugs that were put in front of me, hooking up with a few guys in one night, getting stoned friday night, wasted saturday night, only to wake up sunday morning and smoke more pot. side note: by "wasted" I mean smoking pot, drinking, and downing pills all in one night (a triple threat as we called it).

I have no idea why I did all this shit, but I did and I fucking loved it. I had never been a party girl with Tim and suddenly I was the girl people liked to get fucked up with. I would decide at the beginning of the party who I was going to hook up with and by the end of the night I would without fail every time.

Maybe this was all my way of self-medicating; trying to fill the enormous void Tim had so freely created.

Anyways, I've changed a lot. I don't do stupid shit like that anymore. I have actual friends now, not just ones I get fucked up with on weekends. My priorities are a little more in line. I like my life. I am sort of happy.

However, I live in a very small town. I have about 150 kids in my graduating class. AWESOME! This does not provide for very many men. All of the boys that are worth pursuing go to some far off college. I am used to being able to get any boy I want and now I really can't. The field has diminished down to a couple of mildly attractive boys, who most of the time view me as one of them. Funny how you males find neither my superb belching/smoke ring abilities nor my seemingly always unshaven legs, very attractive. (side note: It's winter and cold. The smooth shave sort of disafuckingppears when it is 30 degrees outside.)

This sort of constant rejection doesn't exactly do wonders for a girl's self esteem. Completely in the opposite direction, actually.

So, I've decided I will no longer search for a boy, as I have been doing since my last break-up (May) I refuse to try and hook up with any guys at parties. I will try to impress NO ONE but myself. I will work on relationships with my friends and completely ignore my love life.


I feel this will solve nothing but it's the only card I have left.

Hey Everybody!

It's my birthday on Saturday WOOOO.
Except not really. Well it's my birthday, I'm just not "WOOOO"ing about it.
I'm looking forward to it I suppose but it will just be like every other Saturday except I'll put a lot of pressure on it to be the BEST Saturday ever and then when it is less than or equal to every other one, I'll be let down.
I can already feel it happening.
I make a HUGE deal out of my bday every year. Why? I have no fucking idea.
I always end up being disapointed at how unfun they seemingly always turn out to be.
I got some cute clothes today for the weekend bash so hopefully they'll bring me some luck and maybe some booty too.

Plans are thus far:
saturday- Bertuccis around 7ish with all of my amigos.
THEN HOPEFULLY, I'll be going to my friend's house afterward accompanied by all of my amigos to get shitfaced and God willing, ready to make some bad decisions.

All I want for my birthday is a hot dude to make out with and a 6 pack of Bud Light.
Seriously, is that too much to fucking ask for? REALLY?

Is it just me or is there a recurring theme in my blog?
It's just been a while, folks.

Elyse here needs a boyfriend. bad.

Don't judge me for speaking in the 3rd person, I rarely ever do. Just on special occasions when the subject is quite serious.


blahhh wish me luck, I sure as fuck need it.

Would someone

explain to me why the hell I compulsively scroll to my ex's screen name and then incessantly check his away message? While you're at it, please explain to me why I'm so crazy!

I need someone new to obsess over.
Or at least to have some good conversations with.
Maybe good conversation is too much to ask,

if you are NEAR my age (ahem mortar you're out sorry!) decently attractive, a good kisser, and able to finish a book (doesn't matter what kind, though Kesey is a personal favorite) PLEASE CONTACT ME.


best!
elyse the portuguese.

Braces.

Really, I think they're making a comeback.
Some guy came into my work today, looked about 20..maybe younger I don't know.
At first glance he was pretty cute.
We were sort of flirting and then he smiled- only to expose hideous metal wires and gears eating his teeth.
The flirting on my end ended abruptly.
Never get braces if you're over the age of 14.
UNLESS it's Invisaline or however you spell it.
Just spring for the extra grand and save yourself years of looking like a douche bag.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Today at work I met my future husband.
He was perfect, a bit old though.
He came in and I was like wow this dude's hot.
And I was sitting at the little bar and he was at a nearby table so he began to make conversation: "So..do you live around here? Well, obviously, or else you wouldn't be working here." "Uh, yeah I live right down the street actually."

We got to talking for about a half hour as he was eating and whatever else. He went to RISD and was totally casual about it. A lot of people like to throw that sort of shit in your face but he was like yeah, "I went to art school in Providence." "Oh yeah, which?" (I know nothing about art schools) "RISD" "Um are you serious? Holy shit." He kind of just laughed it off and kept talking. We talked for a while, it was very nice. He seemed sort of interested but I don't know if he was just being friendly considering there was at least a 7 year age difference. Unfortunately, he was just passing through town so I told him to come in again if he was ever in the area.

We didn't even exchange names which seems a bit ironic. A first name is pretty impersonal when you think about it. Millions of people share the same names and yet you can have a lengthy conversation with a stranger, discussing everything from where you grew up and where you hope to be a few years down the road, and never even ask their first name.

I really hope he comes in again.

Anyways! Big things poppin' for the weekend!
My friend Tucker has this friend that lives a couple towns over. I met said friend over the summer when Tucker threw a party. He was definitely a babe and we actually ended up talking quite a bit; none of which I can recall due to mass alcohol consumption. Come to find out he has a girlfriend, or as Tucker puts it, "They're sort of going out." Translation= He cheats on her all the time and she doesn't know about it.

Well, Tucker told me that this kid (Brendan) is coming to town this weekend to party with the big boys. He actually asked if I was going to be around. This was initially flattering but then I got to thinking: Does he expect to just hook up with me and then make a run for it? Will I end up hurt and wanting more than just a one night hook-up? Will he be like every other guy I've encountered (except the future husband) in the past year?

And then I came to my senses. Who am I kidding? Short and sweet is the only way. Why even consume alcohol with the opposite sex if you're not even hoping to get a little lovin' by the end of the night?

I'm trying to keep things light and casual.
Unfortunately, I'm very bored.
I feel like nothing I do is of any value to anyone but myself.
It's exhausting.
Maybe I'll go volunteer at a hospital or something. Feed some poor people. Fuck I don't know.

This weekend sucked balls.

Friday:
Work til 7
Party where I couldn't drink/smoke/doanythingfun cause I had to leave at 9:30

Saturday:
SATs
Concert (I played in, not attended)
gym
American Gangster (actually this was fucking AWESOMEEEE. Holy hell is Denzel a babe.)
Uncomfortable car ride home with Dave, kid mentioned in this post. He NOW likes me but he's just a fucking basket case and I can't even handle him.)

Sunday
Laundry
gym
work til 7:30
Food with Dad
Fight with Dad
Fight with Mom
Blog.


Well there you have it. No exciting drunken tales to blog about.

On a lighter note:
Pats kicked ASSSS!
I now want to be an American Gangster or to do an American Gangster- the latter the more likely of the two.
My abs are gettin' to be in tip-top condish! =)
ANDDDD- 4 day weekend coming up= another trip to CCSU!

Mortar got me-

Everybody's playing tag, so now I have to join in.OK, let's get this over with. Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...

2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...

3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...

4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven things??? Well, here goes-

1. I'm closer to my mom than my dad but I always thought I'd be more devestated if my dad died.

2. I'm one of the youngest in my grade and yet I feel years ahead of most. (not to brag)

3. I'm one of 6, 3 are step though. I never see them and I don't mind.

4. I've always been envious of my oldest sister because she had 8 years of dance traning and I had one lousy one.

5. The one lousy year of dance- the pants of my costume were too long so my mom stapled them instead of hemming them, before the recital. During the recital the staples fell out and I fell on my ass. I wrote a paper on it, maybe I'll post it.

6. Many of my peers nominated me for "Most Pessimistic" but I don't think I'm pessimistic at all... I'm just opinionated and I'm proud of my opinions, at least I fucking have some. <---see right there. That's not pessimism, is it?

7. I once told my father my grand plan for my life (graduate from UConn, move to NYC, become a Physician's Assistant, travel throughout Europe, etc.) Then he told me, "Well, what if you meet a guy and fall in love? What then? OR what if you got pregnant? Shit happens. What if your plan doesn't work out?" I'm not sure why he said this to me but it scared the shit out of me. No one has ever suggested I might fail at something. My generation has been told, "Get an education and you can conquer the world AND your dreams!"



I'm horribleeee at those damn links. Thus, I will simply tell you that I will probably tag all the people to the right (my favorite deliquents) And Mortar tagged me=)

How hard do I rule?

Oh yeah- this hard:




I'm the Indian-clearly the best dancer...and we're missing our other two village people, they were in class maybe.

Dumbledore Goes Gay?

I find this to be a bit absurd. I mean really, quite absurd. There was NO mention of this in any of the books. Okay, so in the last one he had some weird admiration for another dude wizard (redundant?) but that was certainly not enough evidence to jump to the conclusion that the Big Headmaster D was also a wand connoisseur! JK is trying to trip me up, I know it. Trying to reach out to the gay community, are ya JK? What's next! Harry, an illegitimate child? Snape, Muslim? Ron, strawberry blonde?

But really, I'm pissed. I think I'm a pretty insightful reader and in most circumstances have a pretty accurate Gay-dar. This one is throwing me for a loop.

On a slightly more serious note, why does sexual orientation have to be at all included in the book? And if no one picked up on it, why tell everyone about it anyway? There was a reason you made it so SUBTLE no one even noticed. Dumbledore is just a character, hes not a real person. The book does not include his religious denomination or his health record so why do I give a shit about whether he likes dudes or not? It's not relevant to the story. Way to go, JK.

If you wear this:

I will automatically write you off as a douche bag.
UNLESS:

You are driving.

Under no other circumstances is it socially acceptable to wear a fucking headset.
Cellphones are portable people! That's the beauty of it! No need to wear a headset like you are someone important.

Are braces making a comeback?

NO. but more on that later.

Finally, I get to enjoy a wonderfully boring weekend. I'm soo thankful to just relax and not think. I have nowhere I have to be this weekend except for work Sunday. Also, tonight I had to play in a band concert and rocked the mothafuckin house.
But other than that, I can do whatever.
Tonight after the concert, my friend sarah and I headed over to starbucks for tea and girl talk.
(side note: it's really fucking pouring right now! torrential downpour! gahh)

There, I got to hang out with all the kool kidz as they sucked down cigarette after cigarette and discussed real kool shyt lyke DeathXCore bands and how awesome cigarettes are. In lieu of partaking in this intense conversation, Sarah and I sort of huddled in a corner and steered clear of the douche bag debauchery.

I went inside quick to use the facilities when I made eye contact with a fairly attractive dude.
(side note: I was about 20 feet away and my contacts aren't exactly up to par)
He was definitely staring and so I smiled and just kept on walkin'.
Later, he decided to come outside and try to talk to me. Very bold.
Not only was he about 5'4 (I'm almost 5'7 and will not accept anything under 5'9) but he had BRACES. BRACES!! He was like "sooo uh, how old are you guys??" "Too old for you bud." He was a sophomore in High school and a bit repulsive. He had nothing good to say and I was trying DESPERATELY to move away from him. To my poor fortune, homeboy couldn't take a hint.
I ended up pulling conversation out of my arse and then told him we had to hit the road.
THEN! He asks for a ride home. The nerve! And I should mention, seconds before he asked for a ride, he had to clarify my name.
I didn't even consider this one. There was no hesitation whatsoever. "Absolutely not. Nice meeting you! Uh buh-bye."
We had met for about 5 minutes and suddenly I'm your ride home? I think not! It's not my fault you're 15 and don't have your license. Nor is it my fault that you thought it was a good idea to go to Starbucks when it was pouring outside knowing you had no ride home.
I should have inquired what I would receive in return. That would have tripped him up good.


Other than the awkward encounter, I had a great night with Sarah. Nice conversation and good laughs. Tomorrow, I'm hitting up a bonfire with my friend Anthony, whom I haven't see in nearly 2 months! So I'm psyched for that. Other than that, I have nothing good to say.

<3

What if the world really ends in 2012?

My friend, Craig, just freaked me the FUCK out.
What if it really does end then?
I have so much left to see, to do, to say, to fight for.
5 years?


I refuse to believe it.

For Christ's Sake

This was one of the features on CNN yesterday. REALLY, CNN? I MEAN, REALLY?
This is the best you fucks can do?

"Britney Spears in a pink wig?? Golly gee, Barbara! The viewers are going to pee themselves when this gets out!"

I no longer give a shit about Britney Spears. Dead, alive, childless, bald, whatever.

Let's talk about something of value CNN. YOU'RE FUCKING CNN.

Dear Movie Theatres of Patheticut,

WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU PLAY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE?

all of you advertised it.
and made me almost cry at the previews
undoubtedly gave me chills
made me fall in love with just the fucking PREVIEW.

and then when it comes time to finally watch one of the potentially greatest movies ever on the silver screen, you decide "NOPE!" and refuse to air it anywhere in CT.

FUCK YOU.

sincerely,

elysetheportuguese.

4-day Weekends are the Coolest.

So! I have been blessed (!) with a 4-day weekend and I couldn't be more excited.


Well, I probably could be more excited if the Yanks had won Friday night. Or, if A-rod wasn't such a piece of SHIT! Or if Red Sox fans could shut the hell up! Serenity now!


In spirit of the 4-day vaca, I decided to go to CCSU (where my sister goes) to celebrate Thirsty Thursday. Boy, did we celebrate...until 3:30 am in fact. And then, once we got back to my sister's dorm, I continued to celebrate by laying down (it can't even be considered sleep) on the CONCRETE floor. Awesome. After waking up every 45 min, I decided to delete all my old text messages, shop for ring tones, look through my pictures on my camera...need I go on?

Thank God I had a damn good night (well, prior to the sleeping situation)
I went to CCSU with 2 good friends, Pat and Sarah.
They decided to bring every pillow/blanket from their house so when we got there we had to walk around campus along with Bed, Bath & Beyond. Awesome. (side note: maybe not such a bad idea on their part after the concrete bed incident)

We met up with my sister and then walked over to an apartment building to go to some party. It was actually pretty cool. Definitely a change of pace from the parties I normally attend. There was a beer pong table, but it wasn't the main focus of the room- actually a VERYYY nice change of pace. I have come to loathe beer pong after the boys in my grade started to beat off to it at night. I don't see the enormous attraction, but whatever guys love it.

Pat, Sarah and I were all sort of doing our own thing for the first hour or so and then managed to find our way back together over near the smokers' corner.

THEN! dundundunn My motherfucking ex-boyfriend walks in. The same one that dated me for 2 years and then broke up with me to go to see the world, i.e. Oklahoma State University. WHO THE FUCK GOES TO OKLAHOMA? My ex-boyfriend.

Yeah so he walks in. I nearly throw up from shock. (side note: the last time I saw the bastard was at a party 6 months ago. I got wasted and basically told him to fuck himself.) As I am trying to light a cigarette, I am seriously shaking and as I quote Sarah, "You're a mess! You're a hot mess!" Just horrible.

We make eye contact and do the awkward wave thing that ex-couples do.
Instinctively, I decide to take a couple of shots to calm the nerves and it does the trick.
We actually start talking and it goes extremely well, not at all awkward.

The rest of the night goes smoothly and not all that interesting so I won't elaborate.

Last night, I went over to my friends house where a bunch of people met up.
My friend, Dave, went too and it was a bit weird.
We've been on and off REALLY flirtatious for about a year and a half.
A couple weeks ago, I approached him and tried to figure shit out once and for all.
Of course, that's just too simple. Everything has to be complicated to be fun sooo he turns me down and says he doesn't want a relationship to affect our friendship.

The other day after school, we went to Starbucks. On the way there (I drove) he kept looking over at me and even told me how pretty I looked and how cute I was. Then at Starbucks, he had his arm around me the whole time, paid for my drink, and then positioned his chair right next to mine so our legs were practically overlapping. He asked me to meet up later that night, but I told him I was going to CCSU and couldn't. Then, he asked me what I was doing Friday night, and if maybe I wanted to watch a movie.

Friday night, I call him and he is like, "ohh Elyse! I totallyyy forgot all about that. Sorry, I'm out right now. Talk to you later."

Then, last night, I asked him to come to McDonalds and he full out refused. He showed me no attention and then proceeded to ask "what's wrong?" when I became visibly upset.

Bullshit.
How long is too long? If I decide friendship can't cut it and a relationship won't work, he is out of my life entirely (the exact thing I'm trying to avoid.) I just don't know what to do.
Advice is welcomed. and demanded. GO!

Awkward Moments and "Good Moods"

Okay, so. Last night:



I get out of work around 7:30, pick up my friend Jill, then head over to my friend Ryan's for a party. I wasn't really boozin' too hard cause I had to drive. I took like A shot and then kind of perused my other options of having a good time. Translation: "Hey, guys, who brought weed?"
So whatever, Jill and me got blitzed and had a grand old time.

Ryan goes out to get cups and calls his house saying, "I got pulled over!"
So we're all freaking out, why? I'm not sure. Turns out, Ryan just did that so some of the 50 people at his house would leave. I fell for it! So wholeheartedly. I was so nervous for him and everything, I didn't know if he was looking at a DUI or what. But that is neither here nor there.

But whatever, Jill and me get the fuck out of there and go over to Cumby's to grab some snacks and drinks. I was feeling pretty good at the time, keep in mind.



So, I walk up to the dirty cashier woman and try making some sort of lame joke.

I couldn't actually tell you what it was because I have no idea what I said.

But when I said it she had absolutely no response. None. Didn't even bother to look at me.

So I go, "Apparently, you didn't find that funny." Again, no response.

At this point, the situation could not get much more awkward.

Finally, she just hands me my change and continues to not look at me.

Jill and I talked about it later that night and found the whole situation fucking hysterical but at the time it was quite awful.

Blahblahblahh we went to some lame bonfire involving no drinking and no fun.
Everyone kept pulling the, "OKAY! Are youu high?"
No, I'm just in a really good mood.


Oh yeah, I helped out at this benefit on Saturday morning before work.
It was for a peer of mine that died in a car crash. There was a scholarship set in his name, and all the proceeds from the benefit went to it.

My neighbor was trying to hook me up with her friend's son. My neighbor had told me that his name was Mike, he went to UConn and was a total babe.
I was a little disappointed to find him only a couple inches taller than me and not all that cute! (side note: he was wearing sunglasses so I couldn't really see his face.)
Later on, I facebooked him and was SHOCKED.
Tell me, Mike, why did sunglasses seem like a good choice when you were trying to impress a girl? Especially when the best part of your face is not exactly highlighted by your supah cool shades. (side note: they were white. and tacky. courtesy of volcom? some douchey skateboarding company I'm sure.) He looked like he was straight out of a PACSUN catalogue.

All the same, he was sooo much more attractive on Facebook than he had been in person.
I was disappointed to say the least with his presentation on Saturday, but whatever.
Maybe I'll see him again in the near future. Or, maybe not.

Porn for AZNS and freaks.

It's been a while. My 3 readers total must be in a total state of disrepair but nonetheless, I'm back.
I have been busy as fuck.
For real, busybusybusy.
I really don't even know where to begin.
Well, I just got home from work and am planning to go out to a local diner in a few minutes. Not exactly what I would consider shit tons of fun, but oh well. That's what you get when you're underage and shit out of luck for a place to party. Plus, the Patheticut living status doesn't help.
Anyways, I am sick and tired of having to provide, for some friends, something to do.
Do I look like a fucking event planner? Clearly, not. And THEN, if I do something fun and don't include one of these friends, I am suddenly accused for alienating them. For goodness sake, shut the fuck up. PLEASE.
Whatever. Everyone sucks. Except the friends I actually do like=)
Yesterday I went to the mall with the Spanish exchange students and their owners.
I think I included the Spaniards in the last post...
Well, I'm in love with one. Not really. But I could be if he wasn't so...pre-pubescent? weird.
So we went to the mall and checked out Anime Porn at FYE. May I just say, WHAT THE FUCK?
The most disturbing shit I have yet to have witness.
"Project Boobs" was my personal favorite.
The cover was of a cartoon AZN (asian, lol) girl (who was crying p.s.) with her huge ass taking up half the picture. On said ass, was some sort of cum design. At first, I thought it might read something, but no. Just a random pattern. Abstract cum? hmm. Then if you looked close, you could see some otherrr fluids...shooting out of her string thong. This shit was just fucked. Just imagine all this as a cartoon. They had little descriptions on the back too...one read like this:

"The mysterious Uji likes to have his way with unsuspecting women on the train. Except, he's really bad at it. SO! The well learned Taki takes Uji under his wing and teaches him. How to romance the ladies like a true champion." WITH the sentence fragment and everything.
This was followed by a cartoon of a Japanese dude with long hair doing it doggy style with a Japanese girl...who was also crying. Fucked.

Conclusion: If you watch Anime Porn, never EVER talk to me. Unless you'll let me actually watch it. I must say, I'm a little intrigued. Only because I can't imagine that shit actually being sexy or something that would get me, or anyone for that matter, going.

Well, Folks

Last night was quite eventful, quite.
[see, I repeated myself there, so you know a good story is coming.]

It was the first of many parties at my friend's house.
We were talking wednesday night and were thinking about maybe getting together friday night to play some beer pong with a couple kids. emphasis on COUPLE.
So, friday afternoon rolls around and we make some plans that I'll head over to the Murphys house after work. (side note: my new job RULES. seriously. rules. I work with a male model. seriously. male model. Hes Greek. and damn fine.) So I get out at around 8 and get some beer and head over to the Murphys. I was one of the first people to get there, the others were picking up more beer, apparently my Milwaukees Best isn't good enough for some people! you know what I say, fuck off! It's cheap, light, and will get you fucked up. What more can you ask for?

That being said, I'll continue, a few people joined in on the fun and we started off the night with a game of beer pong. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term "beer pong" its a drinking game (obviously) played on a ping pong table. You set up a triangle of cups full of beer (solo cups really set the mood I feel) and there are 2 people on each side. The teams take turns trying to shoot ping pong balls into the opposing team's cups. When a ball lands in a cup, the cup is removed from the triangle and drank. Which ever team takes down the others' triangle first, wins. It's fun, I guess.

It was probably the worst game I have ever played. I took down maybe 2 cups. Fucking pitiful. And of course the guy I'm sort of crushing on, we'll call him Jeff (his actual name, I have no secrets here), was there watching the whole time. I felt like a major douche, especially when I had been talking myself up since wednesday night. Saying how I was going to kick his ass in pong. The only ass that was being kicked was MINE.

Then seriously 20 people show up at the house, including some Spanish exchange students that are staying with a few of my friends. So yeah, they all showed up. I really showed them a good time too. We played some more drinking games and got pleasantly shitfaced. Later on, we went and jumped in the pool and hottub. That lasted for about 30 min and everyone dried off and continued drinking!

Just when everyone is heading home, I decide to sleep over hoping to maybe get some alone time with Jeff. And by alone time I mean hardcore make out sesh. (exageration? probably.) Well, as I'm saying goodbye to everyone, I ask someone, "wheres jeff?" "oh, he's downstairs puking" "ohhh, greatttt." So much for the hardcore make out sesh! I ended up taking care of his ass for 2 fucking hours. Then I smoked a little weed and passed out, but that is neither here nor there. I tucked him in and then continued to hold a bowl for him to puke in. Do I get a thank you this morning? NO. No thank you. Should I be a little pissed about that? Its not like I was having a blast sitting with him while he ralphed all night long.

I found out later that after he had had about 13 beers he took 2 shots and then drank more beer. Can you say, rookie?? I can! ROOKIE. There I said it. Or at least, I typed it. When they make a rhyme about something, you should probably fucking pay attention. i.e., liquor before beer, in the clear; beer before liquor, never sicker. How many times does something need to happen before someone is like, "Hey, they should make a rhyme about that, that way no one will ever make that mistake again." And then you choose not to listen to it?! ROOKIE. fuck.

So whatevz. I came home around 8:30 with a horrible hang over, climbed into bed and passed out. I did not wake up until my sister came in and woke my ass up at 3pm. Crazy, right? I was dreaming and everything. Probably could have slept until at least 4.

I spent the rest of the day doing a whole lot of nothing. It was perfect and much needed.

I'm bad at titling things.

I wish I were older. Why? Because I hate being associated with girls my age.
I was in Walmarts the other day picking up school supplies and some girl, who seemed relatively close to me in age was on her cell phone. She was just blabbing away to her friend, who I'm sure was just as annoying and dumb, without a care in the world, or any concern for anyone around her. Laughing and carrying on! Waving her hands as she talked, she actually hit me accidentally. If looks could kill, I would have crucified this bitch with my death glare. Maybe its an East Coast thing, but I fucking hate anyone that is loud and obnoxious in places that are CLEARLY inappropriate for this sort of behavior.

Same thing the other day at Starbucks. I go to Starbucks with my dad on Sundays to get some tea and catch up on current events. I don't know how it is in other states than Patheticut (stole that one from cunning linguist) but since there are limited spots for the kool kidz to hang, they flock to Starbucks! They are loud and all they do is smoke cigarettes and lay all over each other in the parking lot. Its obscene. One time, one of them was actually playing the electric guitar in the parking lot with an amplifier and everything! Along side the shitty guitar playing, his friend sang some death metal bullshit.

You know what else bugs me? When some Hispanics (see I'm being PC by saying SOME) think that if others can't understand what they're saying, it doesn't mater how loud they talk. WRONG. It does matter. Cause it annoys the fuck out of everyone, me in particular, who has to listen to it! And I'm only saying Hispanics because I haven't really noticed any other particular group of foreigners that did this as regularly as said group. Really people I'm not trying to offend. I'm Portuguese, for goodness sake. I'm practically one of them, except with better hair=)

School started today. I'm sure this year will entail a lot of bullshit, but that's okay. My classes aren't too bad. I've got good people in most of them. I get to leave early 3 times a week, so I can't really complain.

This a completely pointless post. Sorry.

With a week left of summer...

Today, the girls and I wanted to take a trip up to the beach. This idea was shut down immediately when we took into consideration the inevitable rush hour traffic coming back and forth from the beach. blahblahblah we ended up going to a huge reservoir just 30 minutes from my house.

Well, just as we're turning on to the road to the reservoir, there appeared to be some construction going on. Some dumb bitch casually steps in front of my fucking car and tells us we have to take a 10 minute detour to the reservoir. Of course, I am very annoyed at this point. Its like for god sakes, I just want to go fucking swimming. There always has to be some sort of obstacle between me and fun.

Anyways, we end up finding this hidden little paradise. However, to our disapointment there were signs everywhere reading "permit required." Being the regular badass, I am, I said "fuck it!" and cooly marched onto the beach, with no permit or worries. In truth, they didn't even ask for one, so I didn't think there was much to worry about.

As the girls and I are stepping into the water, I see my neighbor in the lifeguard chair. She, and her perfect body, was glaring down at me. I did the "oh, HI!" thing, like "OH! I didn't even see you there in your 10 ft lifeguard chair!" Then she loudly says, for all 30 occupants of the private beach to hear, "um. How did you get here?" Avery then replied, "We ran." She apparently didn't think this was very funny, but I sure as hell did. So anyways she goes, "No no, I mean how did they let you in?" "OHHH! Yeah, Jackie's parents have a permit, so we just used hers."

WHAT THE FUCK?
That bitch almost blew my cover. For real. I was pissed. Shes a neighbor. That's practically family status in some neighborhoods, mine being one of them.

Later on, her mom did the "oh, hi" thing. But in this case it was more "what the fuck are you doing here without a permit?" I just don't get it. Is anyone that hurt that three teenage girls sat on a beach today in a private beach without a permit? Did we pollute their water with our cheap, permitless selves? Highly unlikely. Fuck.

All in all, it was a perfect day. I was really pleased with the beach and everything.

Can we just talk about Owen Wilson for a second? Poor guy tried to commit suicide. That's sad. I'm sure the last thing he wants is for everyone in the country to be informed on his illicit suicide attempt.

AND! Britney Spears is being investigated for potential abusive parenting. Biggg shockkerrr! Whoaaa! You really caught me off guard with that one, Brit! I was under the impression you were up for the Mother of the Year Award. What with your, cooter exposing, head shaving, wig wearing, alcohol abusing, seemingless endless bad traits! It was only a matter of time, folks.
Perhaps, she, Lindsey, Paris, AND Nicole can share a cell and blow some lines of coke off eachother's asses. =)

America Runs on Dunkin

When I initiated my job search, I applied to all the cool hot spots in Simsbury (a slightly less boring version of my town, located 15 min from my house). I imagined myself being the cool chick working at Barnes and Noble, always sneaking around and reading books when her boss wasn't watching. Then, I imagined myself working at Flatbread, a hippie, all-organic pizza place. I would be looked at as the bohemian waitress who flirted for extra tips. Just as I was getting caught up in all these hypothetical situations, I was shocked and disappointed when none of my hypothetical employers called me back. When I realized that everywhere I wanted to work would never hire me for one reason or another, I applied to the local Dunkin Donuts. To my sheer horror and apparent misfortune, I got hired on the spot.


Dunkin Donuts isn't the best working environment for a person of low tolerance to utter stupidity and especially not for a person with a notoriously low level of patience. However, with hard work and motivation to keep those pitiful, depressingly low, but much needed paychecks coming, I have become quite tolerant and quite patient to the many "eXpresso" digging assholes, if you will. Every Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I am graced with the presence of hundreds of Dunkin Donut customers. A large part, fuck, the vast majority of the customers lack all common sense. They go up to the counter and suddenly it fucking escapes them. They insist on using what I like to refer to as a "12 inch voice" where you can only hear what they're saying if you are 12 inches away from them. If I ask them to repeat it, they repeat it and either get confused and forget their order or get annoyed with me for not quite having the sensitivity of hearing that a German shepherd might possess.


Our mvc's (most valued customers) are ones who think it is their civic duty, nay, their responsibility as a citizen of the United States, to tell me how fucking expensive our products are. As if, I personally priced them and am reaping all the proceeds. IDIOTS.

ANYWAYS.

One elderly man actually discussed with me (side note: it wasn't actually a "discussion" considering he was just spitting words in my face as I imagined how justified I would be in killing him.) for 15 minutes about how Dunkin Donuts has a lot of competition with Tim Horton's. 15 FUCKING MINUTES. As if it were my fault that we charge a $1.80 for a medium coffee as opposed to a $1.16 at Tim Horton's. He was quite enthusiastic when rubbing it in my face that Tim Horton's has an appetizing beef stew, and Dunkin Donuts did not. I responded by, "Although this is all quite interesting, and I fully intend to take this up with my manager, there are customers behind you interested in buying coffee. I truly apologize for the absence of beef stew on the DUNKIN FUCKING DONUTS menu, perhaps you could try a restaurant or a nursing home. buhbye" (I didn't actually say any of that. But I had you going for a sec there, didn't I?)


Before, I would get quite annoyed and frustrated with the customers, but it has now gotten to a point where I am faced with constantly swallowing my pride. I like to do my affirmations every morning before work. I repeat to myself, "You are much, much more intelligent than all the Dunkin Donut customers combined." And then I write this on my mirror in lipstick and proceed to ponder exactly when my life took a turn for the worst.
Yet another added bonus to working at the wonderful establishment of D&D, I now hate children and their parents. When there are about 10 people waiting in line to be served that are already pretty antsy because they haven't had their morning coffee yet, probably the worst thing to do is hold your 3 year old up to the counter and have them tell me the 5 course meal everyone would like. They just spit out random words like "bagel. Sprinkles. Poppy. Vanilla. Coffee. Straw." Now I don't blame the children for not knowing how to order at the age of 4, but I do blame the parents. Dunkin Donuts at 9am on a Saturday is totally not at all the place to teach your toddler how to act like a grown up. Not even a little bit, folks. A mother will tell the child, "Now give the change to the nice lady!" and then the conversation will then proceed as, "Ohh! What a good boy! You're such a good boy! You get a treat! Can he have a treat? What kind of treat would you like Jacob? …a what? Why don't you tell the nice lady what you want." And then we are back to where we started, me trying to figure out what the fuck kind of donut a 4 year old would like.
Finally, probably one of the best parts of my job is going home and reeking of spoiled coffee and donuts. I've been told I've smelled like onions and wet dog. It's like a little part of Dunkin Donuts gets to stay with me all day long. In fact whatever I touch, at any point after working, seems to soon after have a distinct smell of Dunkin Donuts. No matter how big the space I occupy after working, it always seems to become overwhelmed with this smell. I've had to bleach my work clothes, just to get the smell of coffee and bacon, egg, & cheese sandwiches out of the fibers. I have stained just about every pair of khakis I own, and my converse are covered in confectionery sugar and jelly. But I suppose my incessant unpleasant smell acts as a friendly reminder that I am done working for the day and probably won't have to go back to my personal hell for at least 24 hours.


After all my ranting about the horrible, slightly terrifying side effects of working at Dunkin Donuts, I must at least say that I have made great friends there. It also doesn't hurt that I make a decent pay check and have excellent hours. Then again I have only worked there for a little under two months. Who knows, in a few more I might be highly medicated and fired for lashing out a senior citizen explaining to me all about the elevating competition between Tim Horton's and Dunkin Donuts. But I like to stay positive.




(I actually wrote this a few months back. I ended up getting a new boss who was fucking INSANE, forcing me no choice but to leave the fine establishment of Dunkin Donuts. I've since been a member of Subway, hated that shit too. Quit. And am now waitressing. Fuck corporate America. I refuse to work at another franchise. Its all bullshit. Fuck Yeah Waitressing! I'll be getting paid shit tons of money (by my standards) but really, the tips aren't bad!)